


Awoken

by Take_me_to_Wonderland



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amputation, Angst, But poor Peter doesn't really think so anymore, Claustrophobia, Fix-It of Sorts, Friendship, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, It's not that bad I swear, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Something bad happens, Space is cool I guess, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Take_me_to_Wonderland/pseuds/Take_me_to_Wonderland
Summary: "Rogers, as much as I totally love hearing your goody-two-shoes voice; which I promise you I definitely do. Why exactly are you calling me at- oh i don't know, 3 in the morning?""I don't really know how to say this," Steve's voice was hesitant, and he paused briefly- not knowing what to say; "But we think that your, uhm, intern? The kid from Queens? We think he's alive."*           *           *           *           *           *The snap happened a month ago. Half the universe was dead.HoweverIt was extremely rare, but not unheard of for a soul to escape the clutches of death and spontaneously come back to life.One of those souls belonged to Peter Parker.unfortunatly abandoned, however a more canon compliant version is in the works as of 2/5/19





	1. Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so,  
> I started writing this right after I saw Antman and the Wasp way back in August, and then I completely forgot about it lol.
> 
> But here I am- because destiny arrives all the same.
> 
>  
> 
> HERE GOES.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!   
> If you're here, that means you clicked on my fanfiction, and I am honoured and I really hope you enjoy the ride! Just don't expect too much. I'd say I'm pretty talented at writing utter crap. Tell me what you honestly think lol
>
>> Can you hear me?  
> Are you near me?  
> Can we pretend to leave and then,  
> we'll meet again,  
> When both our cars collide.

Darkness.

 

That was all he could see. It was almost as if he was stuck, constantly swimming through an endless abyss of black, all hope of ever seeing the light of day was drained away.

 

How long had it been like this? How long had he been gone?

It felt like an eternity, but then it could have merely been a couple of days... maybe minutes. Is this what it was like to be in a coma- to be asleep constantly, yet not completely gone? It was a strange sort of feeling, he couldn't see anything, he couldn't feel. There was nobody there to talk to him, all he had left was his thoughts to keep him company. It's lonely...

 

He died.

 

He couldn't help but revive his final living moments... he didn't want to go... it wasn't fair. He still had so much he wanted to do, so much he still wanted to say. He was an avenger now, he had a world to protect- he had lives to save, and yet here he was inside of this infinite black void... floating around like a jellyfish without a purpose. Seems like his bad luck had decided to strike one last time.

 

Mr Stark, I don't feel so good

 

It was because they failed. That purple villain... Thanos was it? Peter couldn't quite remember, he supposed it didn't really matter anyway, not any more. Thanos had gotten what he wanted in the end, presumably he'd snapped his fingers back on Earth, and sealed the fate of the entire universe, wiping out half the population of all life in existence. How many other people had met the same fate as Peter had? He hadn't really thought about it at the time, feeling more worried about his own life than that of anyone around him. Selfish.

 

I don't want to go

 

Looking back, he tried to remember. He could almost hear what it was like back on Titan, he could almost feel the very ground on which he stood. He remembered the people he was there fighting with. Mr Stark was there-

 

Oh God, Mr Stark. Did he die too? That couldn't have happened, right? He was right there, standing at his side when he drifted away himself. But then.. Mr Stark did get stabbed by Thanos, pretty badly too. What if he died from his wounds, or did he die the same way as he had, fading away only to be captured by the haunting darkness which had become all Peter knew at this point.

 

But Mr Stark couldn't have died, no. He had to have survived. He was strong, he was Iron Man, he was a superhero who had saved the world countless times... he meant so much to so many people, he meant- no, he still means so much to Peter; Mr Stark was the greatest mentor Peter could have ever asked for- no that wasn't true... he was like a father to him. Of course he'd never actually tell that to the man, he'd find him even weirder than he already does.

 

But now, he'd never even get the chance to tell him. Because he'd gone and abandoned Me Stark on Titan by going and dying right in front of him. He was probably so disappointed in him...

 

And there were other people there too; other heros who risked their lives fighting against Thanos on that cursed planet. Dr Strange was there, who Peter quite enjoyed the company of. He was not just a literal genius, but also a real life wizard- Peter would have liked to see what kinds of spells he could do; maybe he could have even taught him a thing or two about magic. That would have been so awesome. Had he survived too? Perhaps he used his magic to escape the clutches of death...

 

It was the only way

 

No, he'd died too. He'd met the same fate as Peter had. He remembered now: he'd faded into nothing and blown away in the wind, just before he had. Even though he was a powerful magician... He couldn't do anything to stop himself, or anyone else, from dying after what Thanos did.

 

There was also a group of alien heros there in the battle too. What did they call themselves again? Like... the Space Avengers or something, right? They'd had a Peter on their team too, Peter remembered him- the guy who liked Footloose and seemed to enjoy older music from ages and ages ago. Surely some of them had survived, right? They must've, they couldn't have all met the same fate that he and Dr Strange had.

 

Floating around in the dark, wasn't exactly how he'd imagined his life would turn out. If you'd even call it his life anyway. He was dead, and yet it was like he was almost alive some how at the same time. He didn't have a body; just his conscience. Floating around in the darkness forever. It was like some kind of horrifying purgatory which he knew he could never escape. It was suffocating. All he could do was wonder and drift. Wonder about what life was like- and drift endlessly through nothingness.

What was it like on Earth now? Was there even an Earth any more? What had happened to everyone else he knew; was Aunt May still alive? His friends too... Ned, Michelle... he even wondered if Flash had survived. Were they floating around in this dark emptiness too, or were they still going about their days as normal?

 

He didn't really like to think about it. He didn't want this, perhaps if he pretended they were all still alive, he'd forget that they could be dead and he'd never even know. Maybe they were floating around in this state of death, too.

 

But that thought hit him hard: he'd never know what became of everyone he ever knew or cared about.

 

That was a scary thought, he couldn't think like that. He had to remain as optimistic as possible, he had to stay. Even if he did have no chance of coming back to life. But death was scary. He didn't like this at all- he didn't like death. He wanted to be alive, why couldn't he be alive!?

 

I'm sorry

 

It seemed like it had been a century since he first started floating through this darkness, this empty void where he was surrounded by nothingness, he wasn't even sure if he was still there. He couldn't see himself, he was just a soul with no owner, a life which had come to an end, and all he could do was think. He didn't have a body anymore, everything he ever had had faded into dust. It was such a sad thought to have. And then he realised that this was his reality now. Constant bad thoughts and uncertainty forever. There was no escaping from this. This was a battle he couldn't possibly win- nobody could. He couldn't help but allow a tear to fall- okay, he couldn't help but cry.

Wait- he couldn't cry... could he? If he was just a soul, with no body to possess then how could he cry, how could he feel these... these emotions? Surely that wasn't right, surely he was only imagining. He was going mad- that was it. That had to be it.

 

But it was weird... it seemed like the darkness was almost disappearing. Instead of constant blackness, he saw a fuzzy blurr of grey and red. What infinite blackness that had just been enveloping him was almost unraveling and he could see things. He noticed two thin lines nearby, slowly coming into focus. His hands! His hands were there! His body was coming back to him! He was reappearing, he was coming back to life!

 

This meant that the Avengers, or what's left of them anyway, must've done it: they must've reversed what Thanos had done and had brought the dead back to life! It was a miracle; deep inside, he knew they could do it. He knew that Thanos was no match for them, and in no time now, everything was going to be back to normal, and it was going to be as if this never happened at all. Everything was okay. He was going to go back home, after what seemed like an eternity of darkness and misery.

 

He was going to see everyone again, at last. Mr Stark would be there, Aunt May too, and Ned, Michelle, Doctor Strange, the Space Avengers too- not to mention the Real Earth Avengers! He would maybe even be able to meet some of them and he could hardly contain his excitement. Things were improving, and from now on he was going to embrace life, and live everyday like he meant it.

 

He could feel again.

He didn't realise how lucky he was to be able to feel before. He didn't appreciate his life the way he should have. He was so lucky. And now his limbs were attached to him once more; and even though he felt numb all over, he could move a little; and that helped him as he tried to swim his way to the surface of this dark ocean which now appeared to have a surface. He could see a glimpse of light- proper, real light, above him, and he was almost there, just a little further to go!

 

He was alive.

 

He felt a jolt of sharp pain, and then at once he was surrounded by that desolate landscape that was Titan. He gasped sharply as he took in his desolate surroundings: the dark rocky earth was cold to touch, and the sky wasn't exactly a vibrant blue, but it didn't matter because he was back! He was alive again! And Thanos had lost. He'd certainly gotten what he deserved in the end. Peter hoped that the Avengers had really shown the mad titan who he'd been messing with.

He felt weak, but he supposed that was normal for people after rising from the dead. At least he did rise. And as far as he could tell; he wasn't a zombie or anything, because as cool as that would've been, it would've been really freaky for half the population of the universe to be zombies. It'd be a killer plot for a horror movie though.

 

Using what little strength he had, he managed to pull himself up off the cold and unwelcoming ground. He actually couldn't wait to get back to Earth and not be stuck on this cold, horrible planet. He found his mask sitting on the ground about a metre away. It was nice to be able to see that familiar red and black mask, and he stumbled forward to reach it.

 

Apparently, it takes a while to get used to walking again, and just not being dead in general.

 

The mask felt warmer than his surroundings, and the fabric was soft to the touch. That warm pleasant feeling reminded him of happiness and confidence. It reminded him of home.

 

Putting on the mask felt natural, and at once he felt completely safe and he knew that from this point on, everything was going to be okay. He'd find the others who were stranded here like him, and then they'd return back home. Everything was okay now. Mr Stark knew where they were, and maybe he was even coming to get them right now.

“Hello Peter”

 

He recognised that warm, feminine voice at once, and he couldn't hide the smile that appeared on his lips. His first smile since he came back to life.

 

“Hey Karen, It's so awesome to talk to you again- it feels like it's been forever!"

 

The AI sounded happy too, “I'm happy to see you too Peter.” Perhaps it would seem weird from an outsider's point of view, but he genuinely did consider Karen to be a friend. She'd help him find everyone else. That was the first part of his mental to-do list. He needed to find everyone, and then make sure they could all get home. Because after dying, all he really wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep it off.

Okay, perhaps it was a little basic and childish, but at least he knew what he needed to do. Besides, Doctor Strange or someone would certainly have a few other things in mind that needed to be done. Peter just had a rough outline of what he needed to do.

 

“Hey Karen, do you know where everyone else is?”

 

The AI was silent for a moment, presumably scanning the area for other signs of life. It must take a while for everyone to come back after all. “Unfortunately, it seems as though you are the only life form on this planet. Would you like me to scan the location again?”

 

He couldn't be the only person here, right? Everyone else must just be taking their time, coming back to life was frightening after all. Besides, he'd turned to dust a little bit after the others. Maybe he just came back a little sooner. He just had to stay as strong and as optimistic as possible. It was all he could do. “Uh, yeah, please do that.”

 

The AI scanned the planet again, and after several more moments of silence she responded with the same answer. This wasn't right, maybe they'd all returned home without him? What if they'd forgotten him, and he was stuck on this planet all alone.

It certainly was plausible; he didn't really know any of them to begin with, only Mr Stark- and Peter was going to keep convincing himself that his mentor had survived, since he hadn't turned to ash at the same time as the rest of them. But Dr Strange knew him, right? Maybe he'd just forgotten in the heat of the moment. Coming back to life is pretty taxing on the mind.

 

At any rate, he had to get off of this planet, even if it was by himself. He needed to find Me Stark. Or anyone else, really.

 

Wait- if Mr Stark had survived, then surely Peter could just contact him- right? He felt stupid for not thinking of it earlier- even if he had pretty much only been alive for a little while. “Karen, uh, could you call Mr Stark?”

 

“It seems as though my communication radars are damaged. You appear to have caused major damage to them while fighting. You also have damaged several other vital components on the suit, so it needs to be repaired, otherwise I will have to shut down.”

 

Shit. That wasn't good. Also extremely inconvenient. He was stuck alone on this desolate planet that only seemed to bring negative memories, without food or water; his only company here was Karen, and if he couldn't get back to Earth, the entire suit would shut down. And now he couldn't even contact Earth, so nobody knew he was here. He may as well still be dead. How was he even going to get out of here? “Uhm, Karen, how long ago was the battle with Thanos?”

 

“The last time this suit was used was one month, three days, twelve hours and fourteen minutes ago.”

 

“Right, thanks Karen.” The battle had been so long ago, and yet he could still remember it as if it was only yesterday. He had died though, and yet it seemed like everybody else who had died here was still dead. What the hell was going on? He knew he had to find a way back to Earth soon, everything would make sense then and then he'd laugh because it was obvious what had happened, and he just hadn't seen it now.

"What parts of the suit aren't damaged?" He asked the AI, tying to find a calm solution to this problem which only seemed to be getting more and more out of proportion.

"The heater is still fully functional." Well at least he wasn't going to freeze to death. "In addition to this, the instant kill feature shouldn't fail you if needed." He definitely wasn't going to be using that. Why did he even have it in the first place? Of course he could instantly kill things, but not contact people for help.

How was he going to do this? The idea of being trapped on a distant planet with no food or water- or actual living beings, didn't seem particularly appealing to him. At least he had Karen.

-

"Karen- is there any way I can contact earth? Send a distress signal or something? I really need to get out of here." Peter asked his only company after a little while of trudging around on the desolate landscape.

The AI made a noise as if she was thinking for a brief moment, "If you find any still functioning technology, I may be able to connect it to my mainframe and use it to send a message." 

"Technology? But this place is deserted." He tried to think of anything he'd seen before around here that he could use, "There's nothing here apart from-"

Transport.  
He had to find some kind of transport. Even alien technology would work, right? There must be something around here that he could fly back to Earth. The Space Avengers had flown here, hadn't they? Or he could try and control one of hose giant rings from before and just fly back himself. That'd be the coolest, most insane thing ever! Ned would be so-

Was Ned alive? Had he died too? 

Oh god. What if his best friend was gone? What if he came back home only to find that he had no friends there for him? What if he was all alone, and there was no way for them to come back? He'd never see Ned again. Maybe he'd disappeared too- confused. If Peter didn't get back, he'd never know what happened to his best friend- he'd never know what happened to anyone. What about MJ? Or even Flash? What about everyone from school- half of them would be gone. Half of the people he'd seen everyday and were part of his routine... Would be dead. What if May was gone too? What if he had no living relatives at all? She couldn't go. There's no way. She'd have to be alright: she must be.

She must have been so worried about him.

He had to get back, he had to find her, and tell her that everything was alright and it wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. He could make things better- he had to- he couldn't live with himself if he didn't. He must've been brought back like this for a reason, right? He had to fix this. He'd find a way. Somehow.

"Karen, where's the nearest vehicle?"  
-

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT WHOLE SAGA ABOUT 'FINDING STILL FUNCTIONING TECHNOLOGY.'  
> I'm dreadful at science, and I don't do anything in school to do with computers or technology. I do art and languages and stuff lmao. So I'm sorry if that didn't make sense and ruined the chapter, because I just made stuff up and I very much doubt that it is actually understandable. Woo.
> 
> _But hey- I needed a vehicle to drive the plot forwards._
> 
> *Crickets chirping*
> 
> Okay. That wasn't very punny. I'll leave.
> 
> And on that note, it's half 1 and I have school in the morning so excuse me I'm going to sleep. XD  
> And by sleep I mean binge anime and cry because Gerard Way is married and it's not to me.
> 
> UnTiL nExT tImE.  
> Pssst, leave a review bois. I love you all x


	2. Titan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tries to find a way home. It goes as well as you might expect considering the circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little filler here. But what's a sandwich without the filing, am I right?
>
>> But there's hope out the window.  
> So that's where we'll go.

"Karen, where's the nearest vehicle?"

"I detect the presence of a Q-Ship roughly two miles away from your destination."

A Q-Ship? What even was that? It sounded like some kind of dodgy spacecraft, at least, and Peter had never heard of anything with that name. But at least it was something. And two miles? That was nothing. He'd make it there in no time, and before he knew it he'd be back home and it would be like none of this even happened in the first place.

It'd be like he didn't die, and like they didn't fail to defeat Thanos. It'd be like everything was alright, even though he knew inside that after this things never really would go back to the way they were before.

Maybe that was a good thing though, maybe the Avengers would unite to defeat the big purple grape that thought he could go around messing up half the universe's lives. Maybe after working together, they'd realise how much they missed being a team- and Mr Stark and Captain Rogers would shake hands and everything would be alright.

That was the dream, anyway. Peter hoped he would live to see something like that happen. It was insane- the fact that he got to fight alongside some of the most incredible heros in the world; he only hoped that they'd be able to do it again sometime. Just, as long as the entire population of the universe wasn't affected by the outcome of the battle. Because that was never fun.

If he got home, maybe he'd be there for the final showdown with Thanos, if it hadn't happened already. With that in mind, Peter decided he should probably set off sooner rather than later, and after being pointed in the right direction by good old, reliable Karen, he was well on his way to find the Q-Ship.

The planet's rocky terrain was kinda difficult to walk long distances on, though, he soon learnt. And after nearly falling a few (okay, 14) times, he decided to catch up with Karen, because as far as he knew, she was the only company on this planet until he reached the so-called 'Q-Ship.'

"So, Karen, wonderful weather we're having, huh?" In hindsight, he wasn't the best at making small talk; not just with humans but with all kinds of beings- including AI.

Even Karen sounded like she pitied his awkward social skills, "The atmosphere on this planet does not allow for different weather patterns." She said bluntly, "But I'm glad you're enjoying the dry winds."

In all honesty, he hadn't even really noticed the weather up until now. He'd been more, uh, distracted by other things. Like how he'd just miraculously come back to life for no reason, and now he was stranded on a planet with just an AI to talk to. Apparently life was really out to get him.

"I mean- sure, I love the weather here. It's cool to be on an alien planet all alone, don't you think so Karen?" He had to be optimistic about the whole situation. Then he definitely wouldn't die again. He really, really didn't want to die again.

"I think so. Weather is always an interesting topic, I suppose." Karen sounded thoughtful, "But I'm sure the weather back on Earth is much more varied than it is on Titan."

He just hoped he'd be able to go back home soon to see the weather there.

He didn't need to say anything in response, and suddenly the idea of small talk with an AI seemed much less grappling than it did a couple of minutes ago. He just looked around at the vast, empty, red skies surrounding him and continued his trek across the planet. He only had to go two miles but now it felt like two hundred.

He felt so homesick.

-

Time seemed to pass at a snail's pace. And it was getting kinda lonely, walking through the dark unknown of Titan by himself. 

Not to mention the fact that he was starting to feel pretty hungry.

And he really needed a little more energy, otherwise it was going to be even harder to reach the stupid 'Q-Ship.' How did he even end up two miles away from it in the first place? Life seriously was out to get him.

When was the last time he had eaten anyway? It felt like ages ago since he was on the bus, excited for a school trip, which he had completely forgotten about during the whole, uh, Thanos situation. 

And then he had kinda... died. So technically he hadn't eaten in a month? There was also his enhanced metabolism to consider; so really he was pretty lucky not to be starving at that very moment. To be fair though, he was lucky to be alive at that very moment too.

But it did mean he needed to find a way out of Titan soon, because if his growling stomach was anything to go by, he wasn't going to survive much longer without any food. Or water. Or social interaction with anyone other than Karen.

Yeah, he really needed to get to that Q-Ship- spaceship thingy.

He quickened his pace as much as he could comfortably, but his efforts never seemed to make much difference since his body still felt weird after being dead. But surely he was nearly there, right?

"Peter, I must alert you that I am running on 15% power and without a source of power I will have no choice but to shut down."

Karen ran on power now? Well that was new. Also not good, because how was he supposed to send a message using Karen if she didn't have any charge in her?

He quickened his pace a little, trying to ignore the feeling of worry that was starting to build up in the pits of his stomach.

-

Being Spiderman had all kinds of perks and advantages. For one thing, he could travel much faster by using his webbing to swing from one high place to another. Unfortunately for Peter, Titan wasn't exactly New York City, and there weren't really any tall skyscrapers to swing from. So really, he just had to walk the entire distance which wasn't particularly fun because while he could walk- no problem, he was better at doing his 'swing thing' and it was just weird to have to go so far without having that convenience to help him.

But hey, he was making progress and that was all that mattered. Optimism is key, as they say.

With a boost of confidence, his exhausted, tiresome trudging turned into a stride. Until he fell again.

He had to get up quickly, otherwise he'd run out of time.

-

What if he didn't make it home?

It dawned upon him suddenly that if he did just pass out from hunger, or exhaustion, or just sheer lack of willpower... he might never be found. His body would just be lying on Titan, unlikely to ever be seen by anyone ever again.

Even if the others did come back from death, too, they wouldn't ever find him. Because he'd wandered so far away in search of that stupid spaceship and in hindsight maybe he should have tried to find a different way to get home. To leave a message and hope that the others on Earth would find him. But would that even work? Because he was so extremely hungry, that waiting for rescue might cause him to starve to death any way.

He realised that whatever happened he was probably going to die anyway. 

"Peter, my power levels are drastically low and you have approximately 25 minutes until I am forced to shut down."

He really wished he'd just stayed dead.

-

Actually, Titan was a very boring planet. Sure, space was really cool and it was a topic that really fascinated Peter. But Titan? Not so cool. It was insane to be on a planet other than Earth, but Titan was just a boring rock floating in space. The ground was rocky and difficult to walk on, and there weren't really any structures or trees- or anything really. The weather too- as Karen had so kindly pointed out, was really boring too. Everything about Titan was boring.

And now, Peter was very quickly losing every grain of motivation he had in the first place, and the pangs of hunger were starting to get to him. How he craved something to eat. One of Mr Delmar's sandwiches would've been exactly what he needed, but Titan didn't exactly have any Bodegas. (That he knew of anyway.) It was such a rubbish planet. Why couldn't they have gone to a more exciting planet? Why did they have to fight Thanos here of all places? 

 

"My power levels have reached 5%. I am attempting to save as much power as possible. Instant kill mode has been temporarily disabled."

-

As he kept walking, his stomach's growling was getting perpetually louder, and it was really starting to effect his will to carry on. He wondered if he was even going to see the Q-Ship at this rate. Let alone get on it. Getting home was starting to seem like more of an unrealistic expectation right about now.

And the whole Karen situation wasn't looking good either. In fact, it was looking terrible. What if she just shut down? What would happen then? The anxiety kept building up and he was beginning to feel more and more frightened; thinking up all the terrible scenarios which could soon come.

And then he realised he was probably starting to hallucinate due to the hunger now, too. Because in the horizon before him he saw what could only be described as a giant doughnut.

Wait. A giant doughnut? That sounded kinda familiar- hadn't he seen something that looked like a giant doughnut before? He definitely had. He must've. But where? 

That was the Q-Ship- he'd made it at last!

Struggling not to let out in a 'whoop' with joy, Peter felt a sudden burst of adrenaline as he used what little energy he had left to make a sprint towards the spaceship/ doughnut. He had made it! He was finally gonna get home! Karen could send a message to let the others know he was coming, and then he could just fly the spaceship to Earth himself. Mr Stark probably wouldn't want him to, but the idea of flying a spaceship seemed to awesome to pass on. Besides, it seemed like the fastest way to get home.

He could get home, and then finally find something to eat. 

And for the first time since being miraculously revived, a smile crept its way onto Peter's lips.

"This is the Q-Ship thingy, right?" He confirmed with Karen, even though he already knew that he had finally reached his treasure.

"That's right, Peter. Well done." Karen sounded proud of him too. Maybe it was wrong for him to have been so pessimistic before. It seemed like things were about to start going his way! "Would you like me to attempt to connect to the ship's mainframe?"

He climbed into the inside of the ship which was, somehow, mostly intact. There was the occasional piece of scrap metal lying around somewhere and a couple of dents here and there; but otherwise the ship was in pretty great condition considering what it had been through just a month ago.

That was the ship they flew to Titan.

The ship he wasn't supposed to have gotten on, and really he should've listened to Mr Stark and not stowed away. Because then he definitely wouldn't be in this situation.

But Peter liked to believe he didn't regret going to Titan. For one thing he got to fight against Thanos on his home planet, and even though it had been one of the most terrifying experiences he'd ever had in his life, it had been pretty cool in hindsight. As well as that he got to team up with a group of space Avengers. He also got to fight with Mr Stark which was always awesome. Especially in space

 

And then they all died.

And nearly everyone had turned into dust. And they were all still dead. And he had just come back to life for literally no reason. And he couldn't stop thinking about that. And he was so extremely hungry. And he really needed to eat. And he just wanted to go home. 

"Peter, you have not responded to my question which was asked several minutes ago."

He got distracted. He had to stay focused. He needed Karen to shake him out of his thoughts.

"Uh, yeah, sorry Karen," he hated how his voice sounded shaky and hesitant. "What was the question again?"

Karen sounded tired as she replied to him, "Would you like me to attempt to connect to the ship's mainframe?"

"Yeah- Karen please do." He was going to get home. It was going to be alright. He repeated those thoughts like a mantra in his head.

He took a moment to cautiously scan the area around him as Karen did her thing. Upon further inspection, some parts of the ship looked utterly decapitated and he wondered if it would even be able to fly at all. 

Thankfully he wasn't counting on that. Because for one thing he couldn't fly it when it was in perfect condition. If he tried to fly it in this state it would almost certainly crash. And then he'd die. Again.

God, he really needed to stop thinking about dying, and yet the idea of it seemed to constantly be in the forefront of his mind and there was no escape from it.

"I have successfully connected to the mainframe of Q-Ship-8363." Karen's voice echoed against the cold hard walls of the abandoned ship. "Would you like me to attempt to send a message to one of Mr Stark's AI on Earth?"

He answered her question more quickly this time. "Yeah, try and send one that you know he'll notice as soon as possible." His stomach growled almost painfully reminding Peter of a pretty serious issue," Oh, and uh, ask him to bring food if he can cause I'm kinda hungry," Kinda was a massive understatement, but there were other things to worry about. And then something else popped into his head, "Also, Karen, please tell Me Stark that-"

"Power at 0%. Shutting down AI systems."

What?

"No, no, no, this can't happen." Peter felt all the anxiety that had been building up collapse out on top of him and he felt like he was being crushed by some massive force he couldn't possibly overcome. "Karen, Karen, you gotta have some power left. This is important- I need to contact the others, I need to-"

His voice cracked as he held back a sob. It was useless. He was going to die here. Again. And this time he was all alone and there was nothing he could possibly do about it.

Nobody would know that he'd come back and almost immediately died again. His efforts would go unseen and everyone else would be confused.

They wouldn't know where he was. Maybe they'd think he'd run off after coming back to life with the others. Maybe they'd try to find him, and eventually give up on him because he was a lost cause to begin with.

Maybe they wouldn't even look for him.

And then, the only thing they'd remember about Peter Parker was the disappointment he brought to everyone around him. Why did it have to be him that came back to life? Why not anyone else- someone who could actually help people?

He felt so angry- at himself and the entire world for putting him in such a crappy situation. He practically tore off his mask and threw it out onto the cruel desolate landscape of the damned planet that was going to be his grave.

He wasn't going to need the mask anymore. That much was obvious. Without Karen, he couldn't send a message home. He'd taken too long to get to the damn spaceship and now he was going to starve. Probably pretty soon too, because he was starting to think that he maybe should have eaten the mask. People eat all kinds of things to survive in wilderness, right? He just had to ask himself 'What would Bear Grylls do?' 

But then he remembered that he was Peter Parker, not Bear Grylls; and he was on a death planet in a decapitated spaceship, not the wilderness...

Hang on.

He was in a spaceship. A spaceship. Why was he so stupid? He could just fly home. Yeah, that'd work. He might as well try. Even if it crashed, at least he'd die trying to get home instead of being surrounded by pessimism and agonising hunger.

Of course. He was going to be optimistic. He was going to make it home if it killed him. Which it probably would. But he was still going to try.

He all but strode forward to the control panels on the ship. He remembered flying it before with Mr Stark and Doctor Strange on the way to this monstrous planet. 

It wasn't too hard to control, really. Once he got used to it, he knew he'd be fine. He just needed to muster together all the strength he had left and focus it on flying the ship. 

He placed his shaking arms into the control sticks, and after pulling on them several times; the ship slowly began to lift off the ground.

It was working! He'd done it! Maybe the world didn't hate him as much as he'd thought. He was going to make it back. What an amazing turn of events this had become.

The ship was actually hovering off the ground and now all he had to do was steer it. It was a massive, extremely heavy contraption, but he was going to do this. He wasn't going to let himself down after getting this far.

His discarded mask was the last thing he saw as Titan got smaller and smaller. He'd completely forgotten about that. But it was the least of his worries now, Mr Stark hopefully wouldn't be too mad at him for losing it. Maybe he'd even make him a new one.

He was coming home. It had been such a long day, and once he made it back to Earth, things would finally be alright again.

He should have realised that it was never going to be that easy.

 

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love every single one of you guys. Your reviews last time really motivated me and made a lonely nerd feel loved :) so thanks! ♥


	3. Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place back on Earth so buckle your seatbelts kids because there's a lot of hastily introduced characters! I tried to write from Tony's point of view, so enjoy laughing at my failure! Yayyyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this extra chapter makes up for the fact that the last one was so late oof
> 
> Also, this fic is NOT canon compliant with the trailer for Avengers 4. I wrote it before that came out and I can't be bothered to change anything lol.
>
>> If you were here,  
> I'd never have a fear  
> So go on live your life  
> But I miss you more than I did yesterday
> 
> Happy Christmas Eve :)

A month wasn't exactly a long time. 

He knew that. He'd been through tough times before, too, like when his parents were brutally murdered by someone who turned out to be Steve fucking Roger's best mind-washed buddy. He'd gotten through that, hadn't he? Sure he turned to drinking and other... Ahem, questionable coping methods; but that's all irrelevant now. The point is that he was fine... ish after that and he should be now too.

Except he really, really wasn't okay.

Because it had been an entire month since the snap and they still didn't know what the hell to do about it. Because half the people on Earth literally turned to ash right in front of them and there was nothing they could do to save them. 

One measly month isn't exactly a long time, but it felt like a million eternities of torture in hell. And then some.

They had to find out where Thanos was- that much was obvious. But then what? They just threaten him or beat the shit out of him until he brought back the people he'd killed like it was nothing? Yeah right, that was never gonna happen. Thanos probably didn't even know how to bring them back himself. They were gone- dead- dust and ashes. Even if they found Thanos they were probably never going to get back the people lost; and that was the truth that none of them wanted to accept. But he knew it was true. They had screwed up and that was that.

The first few days were surreal. They hadn't lost before. It wasn't supposed to happen, and some weeks later they still hadn't gotten over it. 

But they'd lost everyone- he'd lost everyone. Why couldn't he have died instead? It was like the universe had some kind of cruel grudge against him, and it had to do everything it could- just to make his life as difficult as possible.

Why did the kid have to die-? 

"Sir, most of the others have already gathered in the meeting room and are currently awaiting your arrival."

Thank god FRIDAY interrupted his thoughts before they got even worse.. He didn't really want to think about the snap and yet it plagued his mind like a virus he couldn't ever fix. Also, he'd honestly forgotten they were supposed to be meeting today. "Let them know I'll be there in five," 

Ever since Thanos, they'd all been living in the compound together. He'd joked a couple times that it was 'just like the good old days,' but the only reaction he'd gotten was a pitiful smile from Bruce and one of those 'This-is-not-the-time-Tony' looks from Steve.

They were all in the same building and yet the compound felt more empty and less like home than ever before. They were all incomplete, and it wasn't like they went about chatting gleefully as if nothing had ever gone wrong. Everyone wanted it to go back to 'The good old days.' They were half a team, and everybody was grieving and losing what little hope they had left.

The media called them the 'Survivors' or 'The Lucky Ones' who were going to make everything better, and it was only a matter of time before things went back to the way they were before. The media was wrong. But none of them were going to ruin any optimism left on this planet full of struggle and traumatized children who had watched their parents turn to dust right in front of them. Right now, the world needed any hope it could get. Regardless of how far fetched it seemed.

When Tony reached the meeting room, everyone looked just as dead inside as they had the last time he had seen them. Steve tried to be the face of hope and optimism, but here he was- sitting hunched over with his head lying loosely in his hands on the table. 

The others weren't much better either; next to Steve, Natasha was sitting staring at the floor- it didn't seem particularly interesting, but she didn't really seem bothered by that. Bruce was opposite her, fiddling with his hands and giving the occasional nervous look to the people around him. Thor was on his right, along with the anthropomorphic space raccoon he'd brought back with him who'd supposedly been on the same team as Quill back on Titan. But Tony didn't really like to think about Titan. It brought back bad memories of being stabbed and watching someone he actually cared about fade to dust in his arms. 

Anyway. 

He'd never bothered to learn the raccoon's name. Racket? Ribbit? Rocket? That was it. Rocket. But he only stayed with Thor- sticking around because he didn't really have anywhere else to go. Honestly Tony didn't mind though- another person in the building made it seem less lonely.

Even though that wasn't really true at all because he seldom saw anyone and they seldom saw him. That was why they had these weekly 'meeting' type things. Claiming they were to talk about what they could do next or how they could find Thanos. Even though it was a lost cause. Everyone liked to pretend they still had a fighting chance.

Rhodey wasn't even here this week. He'd ended up having more and more work and responsibility after more or less half of the US military had ended up turning to dust. He'd had to go to the other side of the country, complaining that all this work just wasn't helping his leg at all, and he just wanted to be at the compound with the others. But at least he had something to distract him. At least he wasn't stuck here being constantly reminded of things he didn't want to think about. At least he wasn't like Tony, at least he didn't have to pretend to suddenly be besties with a guy who'd left him for dead in Serbia the last time they spoke.

But really these weekly meetings were just to make sure they were all still here. Because they were stuck living in the past, and none of them could get over this at all. Tony included.

"I'm thinking of going back to Titan." Oh yeah, Nebula was here too. She came and went- sometimes disappearing for days and then just appearing as if she'd never even been gone in the first place. She wanted to find Thanos more than anyone else- claiming she had personal matters to deal with and she wanted to be the one to brutally murder the bastard. They all kinda wanted to do that though.

"Oh yeah. Cause Titan brings back great memories." He muttered. 

"It's not that" he could practically feel her piercing glare. Nebula's death stares were only rivaled by Natasha if anyone. "I want to see if anything's changed. If he's been there."

"You think he'd go back?"

"There's no harm in checking," she sighed, "we might as well try and find something." 

"Well you can go if you want, just don't expect to find anything other than dirt and a bad feeling." He was glaring at her too as he sat down on the other seat next to Bruce. "I'm not being rude or anything. It's just a bad idea." He clarified.

"Like you've been doing anything here to try and help us, Stark." She spat his name like it was venom on her tongue.

"At least I'm here half the time! You're hardly helping by just disappearing like you don't give a shit about us!"

"I'm only here because I want to find and kill Thanos. You think I care about your little disfunctional family act you've got going on here?"

"Obviously not. You know, it's beyond me why you found the need to come here and tell us your plans for the weekend."

"I just told you! I'm here because I want to find and kill that soul-less beast, Thanos!"

"Yeah, well join the club. You know, I think-"

"Tony, that's enough." Of course it was Steve who eventually broke up their argument.

"So the sleeping soldier speaks at last-! Tell me Steve, what kind of fascinating input do you have for this converstaion?" Apparently Tony was in the kind of mood where he wanted to irritate everyone around him until the sun set. He'd been like that a lot lately, but he obviously wasn't the only one and at least it helped pass the time somewhat. They all needed a distraction.

"We need to focus on what matters. I think Nebula should go to Titan if it means we can find anything tracing back to Thanos." He paused for a moment, bravely selecting his next words, "Maybe we should all go. We'll cover more ground that way, I mean."

Oh hell no.

"Please tell me you're joking. I am not going back to that planet. Do you have any idea what happened there Rogers? Or were you too busy triming your overgrown beard?"

"Tony-"

"Look, I don't give a shit about what you have to say. I'm not going back there."

"You don't have to go." muttered Natasha who was still staring intently at the floorboards. 

"I agree," came the so-called 'mighty' voice of Thor. "I elect that some of us go and others stay behind. We must split up in order to get the most work done." 

"Then it's settled." Ugh, not Nebula again. Tony was SO done with her for today. "I'm leaving tomorrow, so I'll see you then." She made brief eye-contact with Thor as she swiftly got up and left. She never stuck around for long.

"So.." Steve's clear voice eventually broke the silence that followed, "Does anyone else have anything to report?"

"Jesus Steve, you make this sound so official.." he muttered.

Steve ignored that.

"Still nothing from Clint." Natasha spoke up but her head did not move from its position. 

"At least he's alive somewhere." Steve let out a long sigh. None of them had heard anything from Clint since the snap. He'd called Natasha exactly twice- once to ask what the hell was going on. The other time was two weeks ago to let them know that he was still alive and kicking. Somewhere. Probably on Earth. But then, you never really knew with Clint Barton. The guy had managed to have a family in secret for years, so who knew what else he was keeping from them.

None of them knew where he was, but Natasha said that he'd lost everyone. His children, his wife... all of them had disappeared right in front of his eyes. He must feel like absolute shit, but at least he was somewhere out there. Maybe he'd come back when the time was right, maybe he wouldn't. But he'd been to hell and back and made himself practically impossible to track, as if he never existed in the first place. SHIELD, as much as Tony hated to admit it, was pretty good at making people completely disappear of the face of the Earth.

Mind you, Clint wasn't the only one who had lost everyone he ever loved. When Tony came back from Titan, he had been exhausted and shaken. Nothing felt real and he was feeling more depressed than anything after having lost his kid. Then, things went from horrific to horrendous. His entire world- everything shattered around him when he got out of the Guardians' ship with Nebula only to find out that his fiancé had turned to dust, too. And yet, despite all that, he was here with the others. Nobody knew a thing about where Clint even was.

"I just wish he'd actually show up for once," he muttered. Not letting his voice falter. Tony honestly couldn't even fully remember the last time he'd seen the man.

"He'll come back." Natasha's voice was firm, and she stopped staring at the ground for a brief moment to look into his eyes. "You know he's suffering too. Just give him time."

"I agree with Natasha." Thor was doing a lot of 'agreeing' and nodding today. "Barton is surely thinking of us wherever he is, and he is most certainly trying his best to get through this."

-

 

"Another person woke up yesterday." Bruce finally spoke, bringing up a new topic, distracting from the painful thought of their long missing teammate. 

Sometimes, although the odds were extremely low and the chances were slim: somebody would come back to life spontaneously after dying due to the snap. Nobody knew why or how it happened- but there had only been a couple of cases where this had actually happened. It came to be known as 'waking up-' because that was exactly what it was. Simply waking up from death- or an extended sleep.

The first time it happened, it was a women from Japan. She came back to life from the snap just a month after it happened. She reported feeling faint and confused after, as if she had been floating in some kind of dark purgatory. Needless to say, her story took the world by storm. She was bombarded with questions, and people felt convinced that everybody else was going to come back to life, too. Of course though... They didn't.

It was a strange phenomenon, that much was obvious. But it also seemed to prove to some that there was hope out there- that the snap could somehow be reversed. All they needed to do was find out how. But Tony wasn't so sure about that. Not everything had an easy solution. Life wasn't some happy-go-lucky fairytale where everything was always okay in the end. He knew it wasn't because of painful years of experience.

"Really? Do you know who it was?" This subject really seemed to fascinate Steve. Steve who was trying his best to convince himself that everything was going to get better. Steve who hung on to what little hope he could find. Steve who was just a naïve, gullible idiot.

"Apparently it was an older man this time. Someone's grandfather. He said it felt tranquil, and he was confused as to what happened in the end. Nearly forgot it all. He couldn't describe any of it, just said that he felt at peace."

"I wish we could feel at peace." The raccoon spoke. To be honest, Tony had completely forgotten he was here. He looked more defeated than any of them.

"It will be alright, Rabbit." At least Thor was there to comfort him. "Everyone will wake up soon, I am certain. If this old man could do it, then so can our friends."

But the odds were so slim, why would anyone they knew 'wake up.' Tony wanted to point this out, but he wasn't going to be 'that one guy.' So for the sake of optimism, he just shut his mouth.

Their meetings often ended this way, with someone trying to give the others hope. But honestly, none of them really knew what was going to happen next. Steve, Rocket and Thor had decided to go with Nebula to that cursed planet. The others were just going to wait at the compound. As usual.

They were just going to wait for another droplet of false hope. 

But Tony had his ways of coping with loss, he was experienced with alcohol and working on his suits until he passed out. It was a crappy routine, but he was sure he'd been worse. 

He missed the kid.

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that enchanting or what? I wrote a fair amount of this at 2 in the morning. But I did it for you guys! Dedication amiright 
> 
> I'm not gonna lie, today was just a really difficult day. Do you ever just get days where you feel like you're gonna break down and cry any minute? That was me all day, and it was agonising. Writing fanfiction helps somewhat, along with other things, though- so here I am :)
> 
> I love you all, and I hope you all have a brilliant Christmas. ♥


	4. Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tries to fly the Q-Ship back to Earth, but it's a lot harder than he anticipated, and things take a drastic turn. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's nearly the end of 2018 :)
> 
> Okay so, things aren't going great for me at the moment. But hey, I'm off school until the first week of Janurary and at least I have this fanfic and you guys to keep coming back to :) I wanna see if I can finish most of this by the end of Janurary, but I'm not gonna rush it. :P I wanna give more regular updates, but we all know I'm not capable of that lmao.
> 
>  
> 
> **Guys- this chapter contains a pretty graphic description of injury. I've marked where it starts and ends in case you don't wanna read all that gorey stuff. I mean, in comparison to most stuff out there it's pretty mild. I don't normally write about this kinda thing, so it's a bit rubbish lol. But having said that, I really don't wanna make anyone feel overly uncomfortable. There are mentions of blood, it's just not very well written and it's unrealistic. You don't have to read it, it won't confuse the plot for you or anything. Stay safe frens ♥**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Let's go :)
>
>> Step and repeat  
> Tears fall to the beat  
> Smile through pain  
> Feel the acid rain

Flying strange alien spaceships is actually really difficult.

Peter hadn't really thought it through when he first got onto the Q-Ship and started flying, but the further away he got from solid ground, the more and more he realised what a bad idea it actually was. It was pretty scary (but he didn't want to admit that.) Flying around through constant nothingness. ~~kinda similar to what it was like when he died.~~

He wondered what would happen if he just stopped steering the ship and did nothing. Would it just start falling through space, or keep going and eventually crash straight into something.

Part of him wanted to find out.

But that was the silly part of him. The part of him that he wouldn't listen to. Ever. He was going to get home to Earth on this spaceship if it killed him.

But he didn't really want to die again. Not ever. Dying was far scarier than flying through space in a ship he could hardly even control.

But he was going to focus and get through this. He was going to get home.

He'd been flying for around a solid ten minutes, feeling pretty happy with the way things were going for him; when he saw something coming up straight ahead of him in the spacey horizon.

He couldn't quite tell what it was though- but it was massive. Like, really massive. This object stretched across the dark background of space for what looked like hundreds of miles, and he realised that he was literally heading straight for it.

Really quickly.

Realising what this meant for his life (which he was not going to lose again, thank you very much) Peter yanked the controls as far to the right as he possibly could. The ship immediately swerved round, but he was still heading closer. He had no idea how to actually stop the Q-Ship, and now he could make out more clearly what the object in front of him was.

But it wasn't one abnormally large object.

It was an astroid field.

And he was getting closer to it.

He pulled the controls downwards, in the hopes of going underneath the astroids. Unfortunately, he didn't realise that there were more in that direction and his world flashed before him. Bracing himself for impact, Peter couldn't help but yell as the Q-Ship roughly slammed into a particularly big astroid and broke apart into pieces. He wouldn't be able to fly it any more.

Peter felt himself get flung by the force of the impact, and felt himself land on the astroid. 

It was then that his body decided it would be a good idea to pass out.

 

When he somehow came around, Peter felt stuck.

His body was sprawled across the surface of an astroid like some kind of ragdoll. In the space around him, pieces of the spaceship were floating around mindlessly with the other astroids.

And then he felt something which really frightened him. He couldn't move his left arm. At all. It was trapped. There was something on it. And it was part of the Q-Ship. It had crushed his arm, and it hurt. Like, really hurt.

The metal part of the ship was digging into it and it felt like some kind of torturous hell which he couldn't escape from. The constant feeling of agony was always there and he couldn't move.

Oh god, he couldn't move.

He was trapped. It was like what happened with Toomes in the warehouse all over again. He felt stuck, afraid, hurt. There was no escape from this. It felt like tight, invisible walls were constantly closing in- pressing in on him. He couldn't breathe. Oh dear God, he couldn't breathe.

And his arm. It hurt so much. He couldn't move his arm. He needed to move the rock- he was supposed to have super strength, so why couldn't he do it?

He felt so weak and hungry, and the pain on his arm was not helping. And he felt so trapped. He was going to die here. Alone. Nobody would ever know. And it was going to be a painful death. It was going to be agonising. His arm- his hunger- the building feeling of claustrophobia... everything hurt. He was never going to get home. He was certainly going to die like this.

He held back all the self doubt and fear that was always building up inside of him and shouted as loud as he could for help. _"Is anyone there!? I'm stuck!"_ But no amount of yelling _"Help!"_ Seemed to do anything to help him. He was isolated and trapped in the middle of nowhere- in the middle of space. Nobody was around, and even if they were they probably wouldn't be able to hear his helpless cries for help. 

He wanted to keep on shouting, to try and get anyone to hear him; but his throat was starting to feel sore, and his voice was disappearing with every shout. ~~just like when he died back on Titan.~~

He had to get out of this situation.

Mustering together all the strength he had left, Peter tried to yank his arm free from the rock. But it wouldn't budge. Nothing he did seemed to help him, and if anything it was just making him feel more worked up and afraid. The last thing he wanted was to have a panic attack or something while literally trapped here.

But it was almost exactly like what happened in the warehouse.

It was just like then- when a literal building was stuck on top of him. He couldn't move then either. But he managed to escape then, didn't he? So why couldn't he now? Why did he feel so... so... Useless? Why did the universe even bother bringing him back from death? It was such a waste. Such an overwhelming waste. Why did it have to be him? Why not someone else? Anyone else.

He tried not to dwell upon that though. Not while he was still alive anyway. He'd have plenty of time when he was dead to think about stuff like that.

He was so extremely tired. What if he just fell asleep? Would he die of hunger in his sleep and not feel a thing? A painless death seemed ideal to most people, and yet at the same time, the idea scared him. His death before... it'd been painless too. He hadn't felt a thing, and yet that seemed to make it feel all the more traumatic the more he thought about it, and he couldn't stop thinking about it-

He had to think about something else. The panic was building up and he wasn't going to let that happen.

He tried to shout for help again, but at this point his voice was dead and even he could hardly hear himself. He wished he could speak to Karen right about now. It's always nice to have company hours before certain death. .

Oh great. Now the sarcastic side of him was coming out. This meant that all hope was almost certainly lost and there really was no point in trying anymore. 

He tried again to pull his arm out- using his free right arm to press hard against the metal and try and push it away from him, off his arm. But that only seemed to make the pain feel worse and he quickly stopped. His arm was probably flat as a pancake now. Even if he got it out it wouldn't be capable of doing anything that arms were for.

Even if he freed his arm, it wouldn't do anything. It'd be worthless. He'd probably have to get it removed or something. And that'd be expensive, and May had more important things to spend her money on.

And then it dawned upon Peter. What he could do to escape. It seemed so obvious, and yet he yearned for another way. 

And if he didn't act soon, he realised he'd probably die of starvation right then and it was better to try and escape than to die an agonising death of starvation with his arm stuck under a piece of metal.

He realised exactly what he could do. How he could free himself from this situation.

He would have to cut off his arm.

It was a scary- risky idea. But Peter supposed he might as well go big or go home, as they say. And besides, he was probably going to die soon anyway- might as well do so with a bang. 

Peter was by no means a medical professional either, but he knew that this was going to hurt like hell regardless of how he did it. He thought about how exactly he was going to carry out this procedure. He didn't have Karen or anyone to help him, and floating around in the middle of space meant that there weren't really any resources he could steal. 

Unless... the suit new suit Mr Stark had made him, maybe he could use part of it. It was a pretty cool suit, and it had sharp looking spider leg type things on the back of it.

What if he used one of those?

It seemed like a strange idea, but the more he considered it, the more he thought about going along with it and seeing if it worked. He supposed he might as well try because he wasn't going to be around much longer anyway. Hopefully Mr Stark wouldn't care if he wrecked the suit a little. But really, who was he kidding? Mr Stark probably wouldn't even know.

Gathering together all the strength he could, Peter used his left arm to tear off the sharp end of one of the spider leg gizmos. They were attached strongly to the suit, but he was stronger. Despite all the hunger and tiredness building up inside of him. 

His hunch was right. It was really sharp, and could probably be used as some kind of knife by a survivor in the wild as well. Not that that was what Mr Stark had intended the suit to be used for. Really, he supposed, if Mr Stark knew that he was about to cut off his own arm using part of the suit he had designed, he'd be pretty disappointed and disturbed by Peter.

He wouldn't be the first, unfortunately. 

But that was besides the point. Peter had little time to spare if he wanted to stay conscious and get to work. With the sharp tool in his good hand, he swiftly got to work. He had no choice. He had to do this.

 

**Horrible injury stuff starts here! Stay safe frens.**

He pressed the sharp end of the tool into his flesh- just where his elbow started and his lower arm ended. Pressing as hard as he could, (which wasn't exactly half his full strength considering the state he was already in.) Until he finally pierced his flesh and could start digging in.

He was instantly met with searing, unbearable- agonising pain and heaps of regret. But there was no backing out now. 

He forced the tool as deeply as he could into his skin, and instantly let out a shrilling yell. It hurt so much- _it was so fucking painful._ This had been a horrible idea, but surely he'd done worse in his life? Maybe. This was probably pretty high on his list of terrible mistakes he'd made.

There was already blood- so much blood. And he wasn't even half way done. He'd probably never finish the job, he realised. Where he'd started the cut, all he could see was a deep red colour- the blood pouring out of the wound, already starting to stain his flesh. He supposed it was never going to be a neat operation- but it was so agonising. And so scary. But he had to keep on going. He had to do this.

He kept pushing the weapon in- deeper and deeper until he felt he couldn't go any further. It hurt too much- it had been such a bad idea. He'd just spontaneously decided to amputate his own arm without any way of nulling the pain. He didn't know where he was cutting, and if this would even theoretically work. He should've thought about it before hand. 

He felt his grip on the tool falling. He realised he was getting weaker and weaker by the second. He was losing too much blood, and the hunger and pain didn't exactly help him there. He was going to pass out and die.

He wondered, at that moment, what Mr Stark would think of him. He'd probably be pretty disappointed in his decisions- and disappointed that he couldnt even finish the job. If he couldn't even cut off his arm, then what was the point in having someone like him join the Avengers? He was so worthless.

If Mr Stark were here, he'd probably want him to man up and just finish the job. To just get to it and force the weapon through his flesh and find some way of getting help. Peter realised at that moment that he wanted to see Me Stark one last time. To thank him for getting him so far, and tell him that none of this was his fault. But was Peter capable of that much? Was he even going to see Mr Stark ever again?

He supposed he'd just have to find out.

With a final burst of determination, Peter grasped the tool in his arm and forced it back into his arm. Screaming, as he pushed it deeper and deeper, cutting through the wound with all the strength inside him. The pain was blinding, he felt insane for going through with it. Surely a normal person wouldn't even consider doing something as crazy as that. But Peter was determined. He had to do this- he had to see Mr Stark again.

The blood poured out in every direction as he pushed the tool through his arm. He held in a sharp yelp as he felt himself hit a vein.

But he kept going, and before he knew it, he finally saw the other side of the tool coming through the end of his arm. He tossed the tool across the room, and tried to ignore the shaking of his hand, and the unbearable pain now coursing through his body.

He'd done it. He'd cut off his arm. There really was no going back now.

He spared a glance at his arm, promising himself that he'd get it cleaned up somehow. _Somehow._

He could barely make out the colour of his skin amongst all the vibrant red blood. It had gotten onto his suit as well. His brand new suit that Mr Stark had worked so hard on.

Peter hoped the man wouldn't mind too much when he found out. If he found out.

Looking away, Peter elected to ignore the bloody mess that was his arm, and everything surrounding it. This was just an obstacle. And he'd overcome it. _Mr Stark would have done the same thing, wouldn't he?_

 

**The gory bit is over now :)**

He tried to stand. He was free now. Now he could get back to what he was doing and try to get home.

Even if the Q-Ship had been annihilated by the crash earlier. He had to find a way back, he'd gotten this far hadn't he?

Getting onto his feet, he instantly felt the world spinning around him, and he felt himself stumble. As he fell, he tried to use his arm- his left arm- to support himself.

But it wasn't there any more.

In realisation, Peter felt more tears building up in his eyes. He wanted his arm back. He was going to be useless now. He couldn't do anything with just his right arm. What had he been thinking?

He was free, but it had cost him something he felt he could never live without.

And then, all the pain, hunger, fatigue and fear that had been building up inside him finally caught up to Peter.

And his body decided to screw things up for him even more, and make him pass out for the second time.

Only this time, he knew he probably wasn't ever going to wake up again.

And Peter collapsed into a pool of his own blood.

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God. That was probably the darkest thing I've ever written. I know it wasn't very accurate but... God. I didn't realise my mind could be such a dark place. Poor Pete- I didn't mean to make you suffer so much. Please forgive me fren :(
> 
> A lot of what happened here was inspired by Aron Ralston, who was forced to amputate his own arm when he got stuck in a canyon. His courage really stood out to me, and I thought it'd be interesting to have something like this in a fanfic. Whether I wrote it well is another thing entirely since I can hardly look at dreadful injuries like that without feeling nauseous. XD
> 
> I didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the way I've taken this story, but I promise things will get better for our poor Spidey boi after this :)
> 
>  
> 
> Now, with that said, the next chapter we'll be checking in with the guys on Earth again. Woop. It'll be more light hearted, that's for sure.


	5. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a message for Tony from Titan. It's probably the last thing the billionaire could have expected: fate was never on his side. But maybe things were starting to look up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late. I've been busy and it was my birthday a few days ago too. But I'm back :)  
> Just bear with me. I've got winter exams coming up so I'll try to update- I really want to. Life is just hard. ~~Stupid physics exam taking up all my time.~~  
>  I know this is short, but it's all building up to something so prepare yourself ;p
>
>> You're gone, gone, gone away  
> I watched you disappear  
> All that's left is a ghost of you.  
> Now we're torn, torn, torn apart,  
> There's nothing we can do 

"Rogers, as much as I totally love hearing your goody-two-shoes voice; which I promise you I definitely do. Why exactly are you calling me at- oh i don't know, 3 in the morning?" 

Steve was supposed to be on Titan looking around for a certain purple asshole, and yet here he was going around ringing Tony at the unholy hours of the morning like he had absolutely nothing better to do. Because every time they spoke it seemed to spark some kind of arguement and Tony wasn't exactly willing, or ready, to forgive the super soldier. He doubted he ever would.

 

It's not like Tony had been sleeping anyway, though. He was on the verge of doing so, but it had been really difficult since the snap to even close his eyes without being met with things he did not want to look back at.  
"Tony, I'm sorry, it's just- we found something on Titan."

"I know- I know- space is exciting and all blah, blah, blah; but you can tell us what happened when you come back. You don't need to report every single little detail, you know, Rogers." Steve was starting to remind Tony of a certain friendly neighborhood Spiderman who he didn't exactly want to think about. Everything seemed to remind him of the kid nowadays. Suddenly Tony wanted to hang up the phone. 

"Tony, you're probably gonna want to hear this." Oh so persistent Steve carried on. Now would be the perfect time to hang up. That would show him.

"Right, well you might as well tell me before I hang up the phone." This couldn't be that important. Could it? Then again, Steve had called Tony at this stupid ungodly hour to tell him whatever this was. "Make it snappy Rogers."

"I don't really know how to say this," Steve's voice was hesitant, and he paused briefly- not knowing what to say; "But we think that your, uhm, intern? The kid from Queens? We think he's alive."

What..?

Peter was alive..? His Peter? No way. That couldn't be right- Tony had seen him die. He couldn't have miraculously just come back to life. That was stupid, that couldn't have happened. Right?

But then it could have. It was scientifically proven. People did 'Wake up' from the snap. They'd just been talking about it the other day. Tony never imagined it would happen to someone he knew though, the odds seemed too small. The odds were never on his side. Never. Steve had to be wrong- this had to be a lie. Fate was never that kind to him.

"Rogers, I don't appreciate you joking about stuff like that. You know my heart can't take it." Tony tried to sound bitter, and he hated the way his voice seemed to tremble as he spoke. This was all too much. He'd seen Peter die- how could he forget?

"I'm not joking Tony. We think he's woken up-"

"-Then where is he? Is he with you? Tell me he's with you."

Steve didn't respond, and Tony instantly felt panic building up inside him at a rapid pace. This couldn't be good for his heart. "Jesus Christ Rogers, where is he?"

"We don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know? What makes you think he's alive if he's not standing there in front of you?" Tony thought Steve was smarter than this but, evidently not. The man never failed to disappoint him in one way or another. "How the hell did you manage to lose him?"

"Well, you designed a spider mask for him right?"

"I did."

"And it disappeared with him when he-"

"Yeah. It did." Tony didn't want to think about Peter's death. He already knew every detail about it because it seemed to play on loop in his mind 24/7.

"We were about to leave, Tony. We didn't find anything leading to Thanos- or anyone for that matter. It was windy and then something hit Thor in the face."

"-And it was his mask?"

"Yeah. And we've found nothing else tracing back to him. Just that."

"And you're just standing around doing nothing? What if he's there? You need to find him Rogers or god help me I'll..." He couldn't finish his sentence. Because the reality of the situation suddenly dawned upon him and his panic turned into straight up fear.

What if Peter had died again?

He wasn't supposed to even die in the first place. That was the last thing that was supposed to happen. If he had never gone to Titan to begin with he'd be fine.

"Tony? Are you still there?"

Great. He'd gone and drifted off again. His mind always seemed to be raging with thoughts like that he couldn't even control if he tried.

"Can you hear me?" Steve's voice was urgent. Maybe he thought Tony had gone and had a heart attack or something. It wouldn't be the first time.

"I hear you loud and clear Rogers." He eventually muttered a tired reply.

"Look, I know this is hard but you need to hear me out- we don't think he's even here any more."

"What do you mean?" Tony didn't want to admit it, but he felt really scared and it was seeming more and more obvious that he was never going to get any sleep whatsoever tonight.

"We've been looking for the past few hours. Thor's been round the entire planet several times and we've found nothing at all. The mask's all we have."

"-And you don't know how long it's been there." Tony realised, "He could have woken up weeks ago and we have no way of telling." This was worse than he thought. So much worse. The kid could have been trapped on Titan for _weeks._ He could be starving, or have gotten attacked, or he could have died again. Tony felt sick.

"Listen... we'll find him alright? He can't be far-" Steve's voice was suddenly cut off.

 

"Rogers? You there?

"Yeah- sorry Tony I was just... how did you get there in the first place? When you went to Titan I mean?"

Oh that was a story he could never forget if he tried. Everything surrounding Thanos and leading up to the kids death, he could never forget if he wanted to. Heck, if somebody tried to erase his mind he'd probably still remember. "We hitched a ride on a giant donut."

"Tony, be serious."

"I am. We really did- okay it was more of a _space ring_ but you get the idea."

"Right. Okay, that should be easy to find. Did you leave it on Titan when you left?"

Tony did vaguely remember leaving Titan. Everything was a blur- especially at the time. Titan was the most horrible planet in the entire universe, he was certain. But at that time, he hadn't wanted to leave at all; hours ago his kid had literally died in his arms and it didn't seem like he was coming back any time soon. He'd been in a fragile state, and then Nebula had nonchalantly wandered up to him and told him it was time to go in that it's-my-way-or-the-highway kind of attitude she had.

They'd flown back to Earth in just a couple of days, but it felt like a couple of eternities. He'd suggested using the space donut thing, but she said that was a really terrible idea and there was no point since they could just use the Guardians' ship. 

So it was still there. "We did." And then the most unnerving thing dawned upon him, "You don't think the kid used it to try and get back here?"

"Possibly. I don't see anything here that looks like that spacecraft. If it's not there then I think that might be what happened."

That really, really wasn't good. At all. Like it was the worst thing. Peter had died, the last thing Tony wanted was for him to try and fly a giant spacecraft, that they could hardly even fly to Titan, to earth. All by himself. But then, Tony knew Peter and that was exactly the kind of stupid thing he'd try and pull. If he got lost in space, or even died, Tony knew he'd never be able to forgive himself. And that seemed more and more likely to be about to happen.

And then Tony said something he never thought he ever would. "Do you want me to come to Titan?" It was the last place he wanted to be, but if it meant he could potentially save Peter then he'd go there in a heartbeat.

"I think... you should stay where you are." Steve mused quietly. "If he's trying to come back then I think it's better you're there on Earth." Tony agreed with that. The kid would feel safer if someone he knew was there to greet him.

"And are you just gonna stay on Titan?" _Not like he really cared or anything._ Not about Steve. "In case he shows up there I mean." He added quickly.

"We need to go back tomorrow." Steve sounded a little defeated. "There's not enough food for all of us to stay much longer. Besides, Nebula wants to use the ship for other things after this."

Of course she did. "But don't you think this is more important? My- the kid could be out there dying for all you know." 

"Of course I think that Tony." Steve sounded like he was getting a little tired of this conversation. Tony could relate. "But if he isn't here there's nothing we can do, I need you to understand that."

"Oh I understand plenty, Rogers." Tony all but spat. Hoping he could sound venomous enough across the phone to the super soldier. He was so done with Steve fucking Rogers.

"Tony, we'll find him. It'll be alright-"

Tony hung up.

...

He knew it was selfish and all, but honestly Steve was the last person he wanted to talk to even on the best of days. If he needed to say anything else he could call Natasha or Bruce or someone. Tony had nothing else to say.

And he was extremely worried. Peter was alive, somewhere anyway. The thing is that he had no idea where and it was scary because he could genuinly be out there suffering and nobody would have any idea. Tony didn't want to believe that could happen. Something good had to happen to him for once. Everything had been bad up till now, surely the universe could give him a break?

The kid was going to be fine, he tried to tell himself. Tony was going to find him and everything would be alright. That was the plan. Maybe the others would find him in space, or Tony would find him on earth because he crashed the spaceship into something and made global headlines because of it.

The others from Titan would be back tomorrow. He could properly analyse the mask then- find out when the suit was last used and why the kid had left it on the planet in the first place. He hoped he'd just dropped it accidently.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Tony had something that felt like hope. Everything was going to get better.

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter was a little boring. The next one's more exciting though :)
> 
> Love you all ♥


	6. Zenn-La

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter survived almost dying for the second time, but now he's on a strange planet and he's still hungry.  
> But his injuries have healed. He has to be optimistic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kids! In this chapter I introduce a character who isn't in the mcu (yet? ;) ) I really love him and had to take this opportunity to force him into your lives. So yeah. ~~LOVE HIM FRENS.~~
> 
> This chapter is more light-hearted than most of the others, but there will be more angsty stuff in the future :p
>
>> I'm always searching  
> For serenity.  
> And I'm always standing  
> At the edge of reality 

Peter woke up in a place he didn't recognise.

Again.

Hadn't he just died- again? Because the last thing he remembered was him collapsing in a pile of blood and losing an arm. How had he survived something like that?

Maybe it was a dream. He didn't feel any pain whatsoever on his arm or anywhere on his body at all. Maybe this whole thing had been a dream, perhaps this was him waking up on Titan for the first time since the snap. It had never happened before.

He quickly scanned the small area around him, but his surroundings didn't look a thing like Titan. He was somewhere else entirely.

He was lying on a cold, stony surface, a blue fabric being his only source of heat-treated but he didn't feel particularly cold. He was in a temple-like building. The walls looked tired and weathered, with various holes in them letting in the bright sunlight from outside. He panicked briefly, noticing that he wasn't wearing anything and his suit had been removed by... someone; but he realised that was the least of his worries when he noticed his arm. Or lack thereof.

His arm still wasn't there. What had happened before- it wasn't a dream at all. He had definitely gotten stuck. He had definitely cut his arm off. 

He winced, remembering the shear agony he had gone through. He had been so convinced that he was going to die in the end, so why was he here? Had someone saved him? He was isolated in the middle of nowhere in space. He thought he had been completely lost forever.

Someone must have saved him. And brought him to wherever _this_ place was. He hoped it was Earth. Maybe Mr Stark was waiting for him on the other side of those walls.

Would Mr Stark be ashamed of him if he saw his arm? If he knew how reckless Peter had been he's probably never want to speak to him ever again. He'd take away the suit without hesitation. There was no question about it.

All hope of this place being on Earth, however, seemed to go out the window when Peter saw someone walk into the room who almost looked like a perfectly normal human aside from one tiny, tiny detail:

_He was silver._

Like, completely, entirely silver. He looked like one of those living statue people Peter often ran into on the streets in Queens. Had Peter's life just been saved by a street artist? He wouldn't be surprised if that was true considering how weird his life had actually been recently.

"I'm glad you're awake," the 'living statue' man spoke as he cautiously walked across the room towards him. His voice was quiet and hesitant. Peter doubted he'd have been able to hear him at all if it weren't for his enhanced hearing. "You must have so many questions, just be patient. Everything will be answered in time."

"Yeah, I uh," His voice was still worn and hoarse from desparatly screaming for help. It was painful to talk, and he did so with caution, "Where are we? This isn't Earth, is it?"

The man shook his head, "This is my home planet, Zenn-La." He stood at the edge of the rocky surface, facing Peter, "It was entirely coincidence that I found you on an astroid adrift in space. You were exhausted and in tremendous pain, I brought you here to allow your injuries to heal. I didn't expect it to happen so quickly."

Peter nodded at him, "I have enhanced healing."

"That makes sense. I suspect that a normal person of your species would have quickly died from the injuries you had."

Peter shivered. The idea of dying again didn't exactly sit well with him, especially since it had nearly happened. He was lucky to still be alive. "Thank you," The silver man had saved his life. He would be eternally greatful ~~if he didn't screw things up and go and nearly die again.~~

The man shook his head, but Peter noticed the ghost of a smile forming on his lips, "It's merely my duty- to protect things. I'm glad I reached you before it was too late."

"So am I." Peter smiled a weak smile, "I seriously owe you one, man"

"I am known as The Silver Surfer, by the way." He smiled back at Peter. "But I go by the name of Norrin Radd."

"That's such a cool name man- I mean Norrin. I'm Peter- Peter Parker."

"If I may ask," the surfer started dubiously, "What planet are you from, Peter? You are most certainly not of Zenn-La origin."

"Earth," he said quickly, "But I've been lost in space since..." He trailed off, memories of the battle on Titan rising to the surface of his mind. Memories of turning to dust in Mr Stark's arms. He looked downwards to avoid meeting the eyes of the surfer, as tears began to form in his eyes. He never wanted to die, why did he have to die? 

When he had eventually recovered somewhat, he looked up again to see that Norrin was looking at him patiently. He seemed to understand that Peter still needed time to adjust himself to everything that was going on around him. Peter appreciated that.

"I died on Titan right after the snap. But I've come back." He finally finished.

"The snap...?" Norrin seemed to be rather perplexed. Had Zenn-La not been affected? But Thanos had meant to wipe out half the population of the entire universe- not just Earth.

"Thanos-" Peter started, but Norrin's face turned grim as soon as he spoke that purple beast's name and he knew that he understood.

"I know what you mean now." Norrin clarified, his voice rising ever so slightly, "He was the one responsible for the annihilation of half the universe. We always refer to that as _the decimation_ here; it is fascinating that it also goes by _the snap_ as well."

"I'm sorry," Peter added timidly as he noticed that the surfer seemed sad at the mention of the Earth-shattering event. He had lost people, everyone had. "We'll fix this. I promise." It seemed a little naïve to say something like that, but Peter wasn't going to let Thanos get away with what he had done. He was determined to make things right again.

"I didn't realise it was possible for one to come back after dying." Norrin almost whispered to himself. The idea seemed completely foreign to him.

"Neither did I."

Norrin didn't question him any further.  
...

"You mentioned you were from Earth before you got stranded?" Norrin started quietly after a moment of empty silence, "I suppose you'd like to get back there."

Peter tried not to sound too enthusiastic at the statement, but the idea of getting back to Earth seemed like a blissful dream. "You can- you can take me back!?"

"Of course." Norrin smiled for real this time, "It would be my pleasure."

Peter was about to start practically dancing for joy, and shower his new acquainence in literal songs of praise; but he was cut off by his stomach's deafening growling. That's right. He'd forgotten how hungry he was. Now that he was no longer tired or in searing pain, there was the fact that he hadn't eaten in _forever_ to worry about.

"Maybe we should get you something to eat first," Norrin smiled at him. This man was an actual saint.

Peter smiled back gratefully at him before literally leaping up off the stone platform. His legs felt numb and standing up was an extremely weird sensation.

Norrin looked as if he was struggling not to just start straight up laughing at him, and Peter wondered what exactly he had overlooked. Maybe he going to tell Peter that this was all just a horrible, elaborate prank and he was really going to be _turned into_ food instead of being given any.

That's when he remembered that he was completely naked.

He flailed about suddenly, trying to find something he could use to cover himself up with. Where even was his suit anyway?

Norrin just shook his head with a smile and spoke softly: "I'll go and get you some clothes as well."

He really was a saint.

* * *

"The food here is really good!" Peter exclaimed, as the two of them sat outside in the streets of Zenn-La. "It's nothing like what we have on Earth, the texture is so different." He dug a spoon into his food and enjoyed the feeling of not being hungry as they watched people going about their lives around them.

The planet was surprisingly high-tech, with vast cities and tall skyscraper-like buildings everywhere. Norrin said it was because the people here had extremely long lifespans. The whole place was like a technological adventure. Mr Stark would love it here. Peter couldn't wait to see him again; he'd have so much to tell the man.

Norrin nodded, "We often receive compliments about our food. Once, the King of the Seven Realms travelled light years to visit here, just so he could try some." 

"Man, that is so cool." Peter spoke through a mouthful of food, "I can't get enough of this stuff."

"You may always bring some with you to Earth, of course." Norrin said generously.

"Thank you," Peter smiled, "I know some people who'd love this." ~~he just hoped he'd get to see them before he went and died again.~~

"How are we gonna get to Earth, by the way?" Peter pondered casually, "I don't see any spaceships round here."

"We'll use this," Norrin pointed to a metallic slab that Peter hadn't noticed he'd been holding the entire time. It looked oddly like a surfboard, perhaps that was how he got his allias of The Silver Surfer. "Just let me know when you're ready, we can leave any time."

Peter nodded. He knew he'd rather get to Earth sooner rather than later, but this food was just so incredible and he was extremely hungry. He decided he'd have one more bowl and then they'd be on their way. 

He stood up and walked casually over to where the food was being served to fetch more, "How long will it take for us to get back?" He asked as he spooned more of the flavoursome substance into his bowl.

"Not long," Norrin mused, "I have only been there once, but it isn't far. Probably only a few hours at most."

That was good. Peter would be home in no time and it would be as if none of this had ever happened. He was trying his hardest to be as optimistic and carefree as possible. 

As he went back to where The Silver Surfer was sitting with his own food, Peter tripped over something he didn't even notice. (which, to be fair wasn't very uncommon. Stuff like that happened to him all the time.) Without really thinking, he reached an arm forward to catch himself. His right arm was occupied with holding his food.

And he didn't have a left arm anymore.

It all happened in a blur, and Peter ended up landing face down on the ground in the middle of the street. He, and his food, managed to go relatively unharmed; but he couldn't help the whirlwind of emotions that seemed to follow. 

His arm was gone. Maybe it hadn't properly dawned upon him before what exactly this meant for him, but the fall had really woken him up. He wasn't going to be able to live his life the way he had been before; simple actions like catching himself after a fall were going to be almost impossible. He wouldn't be able to do anything that required two hands. Carrying things? Difficult. Driving? Challenging Tying shoelaces? Impossible. ~~Hotel? Trivago.~~

Oh no.

He was never gonna be able to be Spider-Man; not like this. Not without an arm. How would he be able to swing across the city like he had before? He was never gonna be able to shoot out webs as easily as he'd been able to before, and fighting villains was going to be harder than ever before with only one arm.

He was going to be so worthless. Who would want him if he only had one arm?

When he felt a presence slowly, hesitantly emerge beside him, he realised that he had been lying face down on the ground that whole time and must have looked like an absolute fool. He couldn't break. Not now. Not ever. 

"Are you... alright? Is this normal?" Norrin was confused, and worried at the same time. He wasn't exactly used to humans- he said that Peter was the first he'd spoken to in a long _long_ time.

Peter pulled himself off the ground and sat next to his alien acquaintance. "I'm fine," He tried to ignore the way his voice cracked. He couldn't let Norrin see him when he felt so small and vulnerable- so useless. So he didn't. "I'm just, ah, this is embarrassing, I'm just homesick."

Norrin's face glowed, as a smile crept onto his face. "I understand. Do you want to leave now?"

Peter nodded rather vigorously. Sure, space was cool and all, and Zenn-La was _beautiful_ but he was more than ready to go home. ~~so he could hide from everyone and wallow in pity for the rest of his life.~~

"Then let's go to Earth." 

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I'm tired.
> 
> Lemme know what y'all thought about my version of the silver surfer. I tried to make him a little different to other versions, but I have no idea if it's any good lol.
> 
> See you all next time ♥


	7. Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two days and there's been no word on Spiderman, and Tony is high key worried about his ~~son~~ kid. Meanwhile, Steve tries to keep everyone in good spirits. _Tries_ being the key word. Basically, everyone is feeling absolutely drained of all hope, but they're trying their best, okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~I think I just failed French today. Send help.~~
> 
> If you're here then I gotta applaud you for reading 7 chapters of my nonsense. It means a lot haha! :)
>
>> We used to be so warm,  
> But now we're just an ice storm,  
> Slowly freezing up my heart.

2 days, 8 hours and 5 minutes.

That was how long it had been since the others had come back from Titan.

Without Peter.

And Tony hadn't left the lab once since they had come back. He'd shut himself inside with the mask- desparate to find something, _anything_ that he could use to find the kid. He was out there somewhere. Tony just needed to find him- he would find him.

~~Whether or not Peter was still alive was another matter entirely.~~

But Tony was not going to open that can of beans. Not yet. Or ever. Peter was alive. He had to be. He knew the kid, he wouldn't let himself die that easily... Would he? 

But then again, it wasn't uncommon for him to act like a reckless idiot from time to time. All the time.

It had been so long since Tony had seen him- let alone even heard his voice, or listened to him go on one of his hour-long rants about nothing at all. What Tony would give to go back in time, just a little, so he could see him again.

He was alive somewhere, and scared, and Tony was going to bring him home. He was. He wouldn't fail. Never. Not again. Ever.

The mask's eyes flashed a bright red colour, and Tony had to resist the strong urge to just fling it across the room and scream. The kid really had done a number on the thing- almost everything had been damaged during the battle on Titan. Most importantly- the communication radar. So if the kid had wanted to try to contact them, then he'd have no way of doing so.

The mask really did have a lot of flaws and Tony needed to really upgrade everything and just fix it in general.

But right now he was focusing on finding the kid. He really wished he could just turn his thoughts off- he'd virtually done just that in the past, hadn't he? So why was it so hard now?

_Why couldn't he stop thinking about how much he'd screwed up the kid's life?_

But eventually he realised that by sitting around brooding, he was getting absolutely nothing done and this wasn't going to help bring Peter back. 

He found himself craving a drink and... even though he'd sworn that he wouldn't return to his old coping mechanisms again; he just couldn't do this. It was all too much. He needed to feel numb. He needed an escape. 

Besides, old habits die hard, he decided, as he made his way to the bar- which had been calling his name from the start. 

***

"Get out of my way, Rogers."

Steve had one of his typical do-gooder-with-a-hint-of-judgemental expressions on his face, as he stood rather assertively in front of the bar. Tony wished he could just zap it off with his repulsers. In fact, if Steve was planning on acting like this then it was only a matter of time until he did get zapped. He really deserved it because Tony really, seriously, hated him.

"Tony, I'm not letting you drink away your feelings." Damn self-righteous super soldiers these days.

"Since when were you in charge of what I could and couldn't do?" If it was an argument Steve wanted, that was what he was going to get. "Last time I checked, you were living under my roof."

"You know that's not what I'm doing," Steve sighed, as if he was carefully choosing his next few words, "Tony, we care about you- _I_ care about you" 

Yeah, right. Whatever you say Steve. 

"I understand that things are hard right now- trust me, we're all struggling. But this isn't the way to cope with it. I know you can hang in there, and everything's going to be okay. We'll fix this and everything will work out the way it-"

He really couldn't take any more of this nonsense if he wanted to stay sane. "Right, I'm gonna stop you there, because you and I both know that's complete bullshit."

"Tony-"

"First of all, how can you be so sure that everything is going to be okay? How can you say something so mindless when you know firsthand that it's not fucking true."

"Tony, just listen to me-"

"Secondly, just why exactly do you feel like you have the right to dictate how I cope with things? You don't know the half of what I'm dealing with Rogers, and you have no right to try and control me like this."

"Tony, you know that's not what I'm doing-"

"Also, since when did you think you could understand what I'm going though as if you're some kind of saint? I swear, Rogers, sometimes you act like you're fucking Jesus Christ when really you're just a self-righteous asshole."

"Tony, listen, I care about you and I'm not about to sit back and let my friend cope with things like this."

Uh- what?

"Hold the phone- you actually think we're _friends?_ " Steve visibly flinched as Tony practically spat the word 'friends' as if it was venom on his tongue. "You know, the last time you and I had a proper conversation you left me to _die_ in Serbia."

Steve looked rather taken aback by that last part, and Tony couldn't help but feel a bit of twisted pride as he saw the soldier at a loss for words. There was always something nice about hitting people you didn't like sharply with the cold, hard truth. Steve looked away for a moment, finally breaking eye contact, and then eventually spoke. Tony almost couldn't be bothered to listen though, because he knew it was going to be more complete bullshit.

"Alright." Steve's voice was quieter now, hesitant even- having been caught off guard with the truth. It had an air of sadness to it, which Tony chose to ignore. "You don't have to call me your friend. But that doesn't change the fact that I still care about you, and I want you to look after your health." He looked up again from the floor in an attempt to make eye contact again, but Tony quickly broke it. He didn't exactly want to continue this conversation. But Steve seemed to have a will of steel. Maybe they should've called him Captain Willpower instead. It had a nice ring to it.

"We're all going though hardships at the moment. But what matters is that we're doing it together, and as a team we will find a way through this because that's what we stand for. You're a part of this team, Tony." Tony was starting to believe that Steve was 10% man, and 90% bullshit. "A bigger part than you might realise yourself. And I want you to know that if you start using alcohol as a coping mechanism again, you'll just be succumbing to Thanos." Maybe he was more like 95% bullshit. His cheesy inspirational speeches didn't really seem to help anyone in the end.

"I'm sorry about what happened with Peter, I promise you I really am." Oh he was so not bringing Peter into this. It was just like Steve to go in for the kill like that. To act as if he could sympathise and understand, even though he had no idea what Tony was going through. "If we work together on this then we can figure out exactly what happened. We'll find him and we'll fix this- you don't need to worry, Tony." There he was again with the false promises and the cheesy expectations. It was actually really exhausting to listen to Steve Rogers. He couldn't even be bothered to argue with him anymore.

"Are we done here?" Tony tried to look as nonchalant as possible, just because he knew he did not have the energy to keep on arguing with Steve fucking Rogers, and he really just wanted to leave. "I kinda have things to do, you know?" Like track down Peter- if he even was alive anymore. Thanks Steve.

Steve nodded, "I said what I wanted to. Please Tony, just- at least try to take some of the things I said into account."

Yeah, cause he was definitely listening eagerly to every word that came out of the Super Soldier's mouth.

There wasn't really a need for any kind of 'bye, Rogers.' So Tony just stood up and left. He'd get a drink later when Steve wasn't there. He felt he deserved one now anyway after having to deal with that.

Tony had just reached the doorway when Captain Asshole decided it'd be fun to open his mouth once again. "I'm sorry, Tony." Steve said in that ever so pitiful voice of his, "We'll find him somehow. We'll bring them all back."

"And I'm sorry you think you're doing the right thing." He spat back at him, spinning on his heel. Fuck it. If it was an arguement Steve wanted, then that was definitely what he was gonna get. Tony wasn't gonna hold back.

"You know, you don't even have the right to say his name." Tony pointed at Steve vigorously, "You were supposed to find him, Rogers, and all you brought back was that stupid fucking mask-" He glared at him, with pure hatred, "and look how much that helped." He added sarcastically.

"Tony, he wasn't there. We did all we could."

"Funny how you say 'we' when you were just sitting on the phone talking to me for half the time." 

"Tony, that's not true. You're being delusional, you should rest."

**"How am I supposed to rest when Peter is out there- God knows where- feeling confused as hell, starving, injured; or even worse, dying!?"** He caught his breath, leaning on the doorway for support. He hadn't meant to yell but Steve was pushing all the wrong buttons. But he was already annoying Tony by existing in the first place.

Steve seemed rather taken back by Tony's sudden outburst, and had to take a step back. He opened his mouth after a moment, but no words came out and after a moment it just shut again. He'd done it: he'd left Steve fucking Rogers at a loss for words. Twice in the same conversation, too. He'd won awards for many things, but if there was an award for that it would easily be the most priceless in his collection.

"I lost everyone Rogers." Tony's voice felt hoarse after shouting, but it wasn't entirely gone. He spoke quietly, but he knew Steve could hear every single word he said. "It took me four days to get back to this godforsaken planet. I was an absolute wreck- I'm sure you remember. You were right there." 

Steve had been one of the first people Tony had seen when he'd gotten back. He tried not to dwell on that fact though- or the fact that the first thing the super soldier had done when he got off the spaceship was put an arm on his shoulder and tell him that everything was going to be alright.

"And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, after the kid died in my arms, I found out that I'd also lost my fiancée: the _one person_ I needed to be okay."

Pepper and Rhodey were the only people he wanted to see when he eventually made it back to Earth. They were the people who always seemed to say the right thing, and until they figured out what to do, Tony knew they would- at least temporarily- make it seem as if it was all okay. ~~Even though it really wasn't. And things were probably never going to be the same again.~~

Now, Pepper was _dead_ and Rhodey was having to deal with a lot of the political repercussions the snap had had, and not just on America, but the entire planet. People were getting restless, and it seemed to be up to Rhodey more than anyone else to reassure them that everything would be sorted out. People wanted to know _when_ the snap was going to be reversed.

Meanwhile, the Avengers were still tying to figure out _if_ it would be reversed.

"I just- I just can't deal with all this shit anymore Rogers." It's all too much, "Not all of us are perfect little Super Soldiers like you." Some of us are crumbling apart from the inside.

"Tony- I'm sorry, I-"

"Nope, not listening. Sorry Rogers, _I'm done_." He spun around, not daring to look him in the eye. ~~because he knew that if he did, he'd genuinely fall apart.~~ He needed to go to the lab and tinker with something. He'd look at the mask again, maybe he'd forgotten to look at something. He'd find the kid somehow. 

"Fuck you, Steve Rogers." He said with malice as he walked away. He left the room in one swift motion and left the super soldier alone with his own company. If he had any sense, he wouldn't try to talk to him again.

And now Tony really, really wanted a drink. He'd have to wait until Rogers was gone now. Damn self-righteous super soldiers these days. Sometimes Tony really hated that guy. ~~He was too afraid to forgive him.~~

 

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, we did it: we reached 1 **69** kudos. But seriously, thanks a billion for all the support this story has had so far, I know it's tiny in the grand scheme of things but it all means so much! I love you all! ♥
> 
> And I know, I know. This chapter was kinda filler, but things are really gonna explode in the next few chapters and they'll be up in a couple days cause I've written a lot of them already! XD
> 
> Also, no I do not hate Cap. He's a precious smol bean. I'm just making Tony hate on him for story purposes, you know? Please understand xD.
> 
> Now, if you excuse me, imma go cram some Physics because I don't wanna fail any more exams thanks


	8. Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter begins the journey home through space alongside his new alien companion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS REALLY LATE CAN WE JUST PRETEND REAL QUICK THAT I DIDN'T DISAPPOINT Y'ALL.
> 
> Seriously though, I'm so so sorry for being MIA for the last while, winter exams suck lol. But guess what? **I GOT AN A* IN PHYSICS WTF.**
>
>> And then I felt chills in my bones  
> The breath I saw was not my own  
> I knew my skin that wrapped my frame  
> Wasn't made to play this game

Peter watched as Zenn-La got smaller and smaller below him as Norrin rode the surfboard out of its atmosphere and into the endless space around them. He was going to get home. It almost didn't feel real.

He sat in front of Norrin, perched on the end of the silver surfboard. He peered behind him to see a look of pure concentration on the alien's face. The idea of flying a silver surfboard around space seemed completely normal to Norrin. Peter wondered how long he'd been doing this for. 

"You're from Earth, correct?" Norrin's voice broke the tense silence that had been ever so slowly wrapping up around them. Peter nodded, as he watched the abyss of space around them. "What's life like there?"

Peter felt a nostalgic smile creep onto his face. "Earth is like- Earth is just awesome. It just- it feels like home, you know?"

Peter felt Norrin nod behind him, "I know what you mean. I often feel that way about Zenn-La. Sometimes I am away for decades, and it leaves me yearning to go back."

Peter was in absolute awe, "De-decades?" How crazy old was this guy? He didn't seem like he was more than 30, but that obviously wasn't true.

"My people have extrememly long life spans compared to other lifeforms," clarified Norrin from behind him, "That's why our planet is so technologically advanced, I suppose."

"That's the coolest thing ever man! You know, if I lived that long there's so much I'd want to do, but I'd probably just end up procrastinating for like twenty years." His mind was ablaze with ideas as he thought of how awesome that would be. He'd finally get the chance to do something worthwhile and make some real change in the world.

"But you know, if I was like you and could fly around space for literal decades, I don't know if I'd even want to go home." He loved the idea of exploring the world freely without worrying about anything. It seemed so peaceful. So carefree. Peter yearned for that in his life.

"But it's lonely," Norrin added with a melancholic sigh, "Being alone in the cosmos does have its problems. I often wish I was never given these abilities in the first place."

Peter nodded, he understood that kind of feeling Norrin was talking about. "I know what you mean. I was just a normal kid, like everyone else. Life was just, ordinary you know? Then I got all these strange powers I couldn't understand." Sometimes he wondered why the universe even bothered giving them to him in the first place.

"You have abilities as well? That is fascinating." Norrin sounded intrigued. 

"It was nearly two years ago now, I think." Peter watched the endless trails of stars pass by as he told his story for what felt like the millionth time, "I was on a field trip with my class and- _bam_ next thing I knew I was bitten by a radioactive spider."

"What is a spider? I don't believe we have those on Zenn-La, but perhaps I am mistaken." The surfer sounded absolutely confused. Peter had forgotten he wasn't exactly _human_

"Spiders are like- they're disgusting- they're like these tiny creatures with legs and I swear they're out to kill us all. They're everywhere on Earth. It's horrible."

Peter turned round to see a look of utter fear plastered upon Norrin's face. Maybe he'd been a little bit too dramatic in his description of the miniature monsters. 

"They sound absolutely nightmarish." Norrin said hauntingly. "If I come across one then I'll have no choice but to truly go all out."

"They're not that bad," Peter tried to give him a reassuring smile, "They won't hurt you."

"I won't allow them to go near me." Norrin concluded. But Peter could sympathise with him- afterall, despite being Spider-Man he'd always been kinda freaked out by spiders. They just weren't meant to be.

"So tell me... what do your powers enable you to do?"

"Oh my powers are so awesome; they let me do all kinds of absolutely crazy things: my senses are heightened and I'm- like- crazy strong." And that wasn't even nearly everything. Peter knew he could go on for hours about his powers, but he didn't really want to bore his new alien acquaintance. "But really, they let me do things that i'd never have believed I could ever do. I get to fight crime, y'know? Help people feel a little safer." 

"I'm sure they are greatful for you, it sounds like you work very hard." 

Peter flashed a real smile at the surfer behind him. He didn't like to admit it but he really did enjoy praise. It made him feel like he really was doing good and making a difference in people's lives. All he'd ever wanted was to make Ben proud, and with every person he helped he felt as if he was achieving that goal.

"I can't wait to go back home, man. I'll get to see Mr Stark again and get back to swinging though the city." There was also Thanos to be dealt with but Peter felt like once he got home, everything was going to be alright. ~~that was what he kept telling himself anyway.~~

"I'm sure everyone will be happy to see you," Norrin's faint smile glowed, "You must be regarded as a hero on Earth."

He didn't feel like that was exactly true. "Maybe one day," his smile faded a little, "Mr Stark's more of a hero than I am."

"You shouldn't look at yourself so harshly."

He couldn't help it. And now that Peter had lost his arm he felt even worse about himself. Without an arm he would never be considered a hero. Without an arm he was a waste of time and space. He was nothing. ~~He was useless.~~

"Hey, can we- uh, can we talk about you instead? I don't really- uh," Peter felt sick, "Talk about myself any more."

Thankfully, Norrin frowned a little, but didn't say anything about Peter's sudden change in attitude. Peter didn't exactly feel like talking about himself anymore- who he was growing to dislike more and more thanks to the whole- arm thing. 

"There's much for me to talk about but I suppose I'll start from the very beginning," 

That was good. The longer the story, the longer Peter had to distract his thoughts and think about other things.

\- - - - 

Peter knew the life story of a silver-surfboarding alien was never going to be _boring_ but he had no idea that Norrin's story was going to be as fascinating as it was.

Norrin had been an astrologer on Zenn-La but everything had changed when another alien- one that sounded even more powerful and terrifying than even Thanos; had targetted his planet and prepared to literally _devour_ it. 

Norrin had managed to stop the beast from doing this- instead being transformed into a man made of pure silver. The alien had given Norrin a surfboard as well, and asked him to travel throughout the galaxy and find other planets for him to devour.

Norrin had been talking about his experience on the planet Xandar when Peter noticed a planet that seemed way too familiar and immediately his nerves seemed to bundle up into a ball at the pit of his stomach and quickly begin to rise.

They had reached Earth.

"This is your home planet, or am I mistaken?" Norrin asked, pausing his story.

Peter couldn't form a response any longer than "Yeah..." Suddenly, he really didn't want to go back home. Was it too late to ask the surfer to just turn around and let him drift off in space forever? 

Norrin seemed to notice Peter's unease and cautiously said, "You know; it's a truly beautiful planet and I'm sure everyone there will be most pleased to see you."

This was really scary. Peter couldn't do this. 

They were getting closer and closer- they started flying through the clouds. Peter wondered how strange it would look from below; to see a silver man and a human riding a surfboard through the sky. It just didn't sound possible, or real at all. Maybe he was dreaming after all. This couldn't be happening. He had died, after all.

"You say you are alright, but are you really?" Asked Norrin hesitantly, unsure whether or not he was crossing too many boundaries.

"I'm okay..." Peter's voice drifted off. Maybe it was turning to dust like what he was supposed to be.

Norrin sounded unconvinced, "You'll be home in minutes- it'll be alright then I promise you."

But that wasn't true at all because Peter was supposed to be dead and who would want a dead person in their house? Aunt May would probably kick him out the moment she laid her eyes on his stupid, one-armed, body.

"This is such a small planet, I find it rather adorable." Said Norrin as they started to reach the ground. He'd brought the surfboard to New York- it was nighttime, it must have been 3 or 4 in the morning. Something felt different about Earth. It should have felt like home, but something was definitely off. Peter wondered if it was because half the population of the entire planet was dust. ~~He was supposed to be a part of that half.~~

"Is there anywhere in particular that you would like for me to leave you?" He asked, carefully maneuvering his surfboard around a particularly long building.

Peter wondered where he probably should go. He settled on the Avenger's compound. He had to see Mr Stark- he'd know what to do. ~~If he still wanted anything to do with Peter.~~ He could do something about his missing arm. ~~If he even cared.~~

"Can you, uh, The Avengers compound- it's uh," Peter pointed towards the westside of the city, "way over there."

The surfer nodded, and started heading in that direction. Peter's nerves were getting worse and worse. What if they didn't let him in at all? What if this was all just a lost cause? _It probably was._

But then something dawned upon Peter and he felt his whole body stiffen. The snap... he'd been in space that whole time. He didn't know who was still alive- who had even survived. He didn't know if... 

What if Aunt May had also died in the snap?

He realised that he had no way of knowing and he had to find out immediately; he had to know now. He had to. What if she was gone? She couldn't be... Could she?

"Norrin, uh, can you uh, can you stop here... Please?" Peter's voiced wavered but he couldn't let himself crumble. Not yet. He'd gotten this far. He had to stay strong. _He was Spiderman for fuck's sake._

"Here? Are you sure? I want to make sure you're okay I don't think it'd be wise to just-"

"-Please!" Peter hadn't meant to yell- or cut him off for that matter. But he was starting to get more and more desparate and he just couldn't take it much longer. It was all too much. "Sorry, I just- I just need to check something. I'll go right to the compound after. I-I'll be okay."

Norrin sighed heavily from behind him, "I don't wish to worry; as long as you promise you will be and you'll go right there after."

"I will, I promise." Peter nodded more vigorously than he'd meant to, but he just wanted to go. He wanted to find May.

They landed on a roof top and as Peter carefully made his way off the silver surfboard, Norrin placed a metallic hand on his shoulder.

"It will all be okay, in the end," his new friend gave him a reassuring smile, "Everything will certainly work out the way it should."

Peter wholeheartedly hoped that was true. _But luck never really did like him._

 

"Thank you, uh, for everything." Peter quickly said as Norrin turned around to fly off into space again, "If it weren't for you, well, I'd be..." He couldn't finish, but then Norrin turned around and he knew he didn't have to. Norrin knew what he meant.

Norrin properly smiled, and Peter couldn't help but smile back at him. "I should be thanking you," the surfer said, "It's been a very long time since I've travelled through space with a friend."

"We're- we're friends?"

"I think we are," smiled Norrin, "Don't you?"

"I think so too."

"If you ever need me, I'll be out there." Said the Surfer whimsically, "Promise me that you'll look after yourself out there."

"I will," Peter honestly just wanted to crawl into a hole (but crawling wasn't exactly possible for him with only one arm) and cry, but he didn't want to let his new friend down. He felt like he'd already let down enough people in his life. 

Norrin waved him goodbye as he stepped back onto the surfboard and slowly made his way into the void of space. Peter wondered if he'd ever see him again. This didn't feel like a final goodbye. He hoped he would. Norrin was a really good person, he thought.

As he watched his new friend disappear into the darkness above, Peter felt the tears finally begin to form in his eyes. The tears he'd been trying to avoid. At least there was no one around to see him breakdown.

He was alone.

Peter couldn't help but wish more and more that he'd just stayed dead. What was he going to do now? He had to go home to find May, but what would she think of him? When she saw that he was missing an entire arm?

Why was life so cruel to him..?

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this chapter worse than usual? I didn't really like it, personally, but I quite like the next one so save your judgement people- it does get better!
> 
> I have to admit, the past few days have been really horrible and I have been feeling really down quite a bit lately. It isn't fun, so I'm hoping that this next week will be a little better. :) I hope all of you have a good week as well, you can get through this ♥


	9. Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony just really needs a drink sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note  
> TwO cHaPtErS iN oNe DaY!? hAs ThE aUtHoR fInAlLy LoSt It!?
> 
>  
> 
> _And my answer to that is yes. Yes I have ;)_
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy, frens ♥
>
>> I'm tongue-tied in the night time  
> Silent, sleepless 'til the sunrise  
> Claustrophobic with a night light

Tony was stressed.

And that was putting it lightly. In fact, he was a lot _more_ than stressed. And things didn't seem to be getting any better because Rhodey wasn't coming back for 5 more days, he was forced to put up with more of Steve Rogers tomorrow in their weekly meeting; and oh yeah, he was pretty sure his protege was _dead._

So yeah, Tony was stressed. He had problems and none of them were really going away any time soon.

He hadn't wanted to, because he was trying to become a better person before the whole Peter-coming-back-to-life mess had happened; and he'd not been drinking. But the past couple days had been hard, and let's just say alcohol is great for solving problems.

Steve's massive argument with him had been three days ago, and he hadn't seen much of the Super Soldier since then. Things were getting worse between them, and he'd definitely seen a lot of alcohol in that time.

Yeah, alcohol is good and sleep is for the weak.

He moved out of the lab and headed towards the bar. It was pretty late at night- certainly after midnight, so there wasn't really anybody around. At least he definitely wasn't going to be bumping into any rogue Steve Rogers this time. Always a relief.

"Sir, a man who identifies himself as the Silver Surfer is currently trespassing on the premises." Oh lovely. Looks like they had some company. At the worst possible time too, what more could you ask for?

"Could you kindly ask him to fuck off?" Tony asked the AI as sweetly as possible considering his statement. "It's 2am. I'm not exactly-" he paused in hesitation, "-equipped to deal with this right now."

"Sir, he is insisting you let him in."

"And I'm insisting you tell him to take a hike." Honestly. What was so hard to understand? Tony suppressed a sigh, people these days could be so... irritating. God, this guy reminded him of a certain Steve Rogers.

"He says that he wants you to know that this is an urgent matter and he will not be leaving until you hear what he has to say." Why were people so determined at the moment? The snap really killed his spirits,but it didn't seem to do the same to anyone else.

"Right, what's his name again?"

"He calls himself The Silver Surfer, sir." What kind of dumbass name was that? It sounded like some stupid street name that wasn't even good, at all.

"Let him know I'm on my way." He muttered; quickly returning back to the workshop to pick up one of his gautlets before turning around again and heading towards the entrance of the compound. He might as well arm himself. Just incase things got nasty.

Tony was expecting to see some punk on a skateboard or something. Probably wearing a baseball cap and maybe even a dollar chain in an effort to look 'hard.' The Silver Surfer was more than likely some shitty street name type thing, and the guy was probably there to try and go head to head with the Avengers. Tony really wasn't in the mood for that kind of crap- especially at two in the fucking morning.

That's why he was caught off guard when he saw the guy because he actually was silver. Like, genuine, really silver. Not paint or anything. As far as he could tell, anyway. The guy definitely wasn't human.

Oh whoopee.

Looks like he was going to be dealing with more aliens. That ALWAYS seemed to go well for him. He was so not in the mood for this.

"Welcome to the Avengers Compound where we're open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. How may I help you?" He asked, in the most blatantly sarcastic voice he could muster. He was running on little to no sleep anyway, so it wasn't too hard.

"Sorry, I won't be long," the guy spoke with a voice that seemed quiet, and yet also strong. He was the kind of person who everyone would listen to in a room, even if his volume wasn't exactly the highest. "I just remembered that I hadn't given your friend the rest of his food from my planet, Zenn-La."

What?

Tony responded to him by simply giving him a tired-with-a-hint-of-confused look. He prompted the Surfer to elaborate a little because he wasn't exactly making much sense. What friend? Tony had never heard about this guy in his life, and it was starting to seem a bit dodgy.

 

"I believe I had found a comrade of yours in space." The surfer glanced around him for a quick moment as if checking that he was in the right place. "This is the 'Avengers Compound,' right?"

Tony nodded at him tiredly.

"He should be here-" The surfer looked a little worried for a second, "I brought him here a couple of days ago."

"Uh, huh." Tony tried to refrain from rolling his eyes because he was so not buying every word that came out of this guy's mouth. "Who exactly are you?"

"I'm the Silver Surfer, protector of the planet Zenn-La." He replied, proudly if anything. "I came across your friend near my home planet several days ago." The surfer wasn't much of a talker, however, and said nothing more.

Maybe he was friends with Thor or someone. Perhaps the God of Thunder had gone to Zenn-La or whatever this guy's planet was called, after going to Titan. "Was it Thor?"

"He, uh, didn't actually tell me his name."

It probably wasn't Thor then. The guy practically went around chanting 'I am the mighty Thor Odinson of Asgard!' everywhere he went.

"Right, well, do you wanna come back here tomorrow? Actually, why did you even think it'd be appropriate to come here at 2am? Some of us are trying to sleep you know- in fact, you're lucky I'm awake in the first place. I doubt anyone else is." Tony was tired and wanted this guy to just fly away on his stupid surfboard, so he could go to sleep. Or try to anyway. Maybe he could get a drink after he chased this guy away. That seemed like a good idea. Yeah, he'd do that.

The Surfer looked upset at that and opened his mouth as if he was about to protest, but shut it just as quickly. After about a solid minute of tense silence, he finally voiced his thoughts. "Maybe you should let me in now, I'll just, uh, make sure and check if he's here."

"Yeah, no, sorry but we don't exactly welcome strange aliens from space into our houses. How about you just give me that-" he gestured at whatever kind of food the Surfer was holding, "-whatever that is, and I'll give it to Thor or whoever your friend is in the morning."

The guy didn't look like he wanted to leave. "I don't want any trouble, but it's just I need to make sure your comrade is here. If he isn't, then he could be dying somewhere for all I know."

Ugh. Honestly. Aliens these days were so annoyingly persistent. Tony rolled his eyes at him.

"He's been through a lot, you know," the Surfer went on, "I brought him back to Earth a couple days ago and he said he'd go here, just after he dealt with some personal business." He looked shameful, and annoyed with himself, "I should've made sure he got here safely. He was hurt- the snap really affected him." The guy really was beating himself up about this. Tony almost felt bad for him. Almost.

"Yeah, well we're all hurt at the moment. We kinda lost half the people we care about, like, a month ago?" Tony stated flatly. "The snap kinda affected everyone. You know?"

"It's not that- it's just- he said that he died in the snap. But he woke up."

He woke up? Well that caught Tony's attention quite quickly. If it was someone from Titan then there was a chance it was... no. He couldn't get his hopes up. Not now. But since Thor and the others had found the discarded Spider mask on Titan, he couldn't help but hope.

Maybe it'd be a good idea if he did let this guy in. He'd get the others together and they'd figure out what exactly was going on here with the Silver Surfer. Yeah, that's exactly what he'd do.

"Right, well, okay call me a hypocrite all you want but do you want to come in? I'll tell the others what's going on- you might know something important."

-

Exactly 9 minutes later, everyone was gathered in the meeting room; looking tired, but more than anything determined to get information from their unsuspected visitor. 

Thor grasped the ripe opportunity to meet the surfer, and strode up to him and thoroughly shook his hand. Rocket, as usual, was right by his side. Looking upset, but less so than the last time Tony had seen him.

"So you are from the planet Zenn-La?" The God of Thunder's booming voice filled the room, "I have heard of your home. It has a rich, thriving culture."

"I've been there a couple times," Rocket looked a little nostalgic, "Groot loved the plants there." He smiled a sad smile as he thought about his lost tree friend.

"I have never been, although my father visited several times. He said great things about the food there."

"Groot and I had some when we were there. It really is something else. Never had anything like it anywhere else and I've been all over the universe." Rocket said back to his friend. The surfer watched with a smile as Thor and Rocket passionately spoke about his home planet. 

"I would most love to go there then- planets with excellent culinary sensations are often the most fun to visit. Such, is why I love Earth so much." He wasn't wrong. Earth did have some... interesting food.

The Silver Surfer nodded, "I brought some of our food with me if you'd like to try any. It's why I came actually- your friend forgot to finish his while he was there."

Thor's eyes practically lit up at the first part of the statement, and it was obvious that he was about to erupt into an enthusiastic monologue about food and it was going to be unstoppable.

Steve quickly took the opportunity to steer the conversation back to why the surfer was here. "You said you ran into one of our friends?"

The Surfer nodded, as he handed Thor and Rocket a bag of food across the room.

"Any chance you got his name?"

The surfer gave a melancholic smile, "I never asked for his name. It never dawned upon me to do so. But he isn't here. I'd recognise him if I saw him."

"What did he look like? Any distinctive features?" Steve was in full on detective mode, ignoring the feast that was going on beside him with the God and the Raccoon.

"He was missing an arm. But I'm almost certain that had only happened recently."

Well it wasn't Bucky. That much was obvious to begin with, though. "How'd he lose his arm?" Tony asked, trying hard not to look concerned. 

"He never mentioned it. But when I found him there was blood all over him." The Surfer looked upset with himself again, "If I hadn't found him when I did... I dread to think what could've happened to him."

"Don't worry, it's not your fault. He'll be alright, we'll find him." Steve looked a little worried too as he tried to comfort their guest. "Can you give us a physical description? Besides the- arm, of course."

"He seemed small, skinny almost. And he wore a metallic looking costume which was red and blue."

There was only one person that could be. But again, Tony didn't want to get his hopes up too high, so he asked a question of his own. "What was his voice like?"

Steve gave Tony a confused look at his choice of question, but didn't say anything about it. But Steve didn't really know Peter. Tony knew that the kid didn't exactly talk like the rest of them did.

"He didn't talk much at first- but once I started asking questions about him, he never stopped. He kept talking about someone called 'Mr Stark,' and the Avengers. I assume that's who you people are."

There was only one person in the entire world that the description matched. That was Peter- it had to be. Even though he'd probably had something terrible happen to his arm- and not to mention come back from death itself; the kid was still optimistic and had chatted to the Silver Surfer who he'd just met, as if he'd known him his entire life. That was Peter alright.

And then it dawned upon Tony that his kid was alive- he just had to find him. On one hand, Tony wanted to start yelling at the Surfer; ask him why the hell he didn't check that the kid made it back for two days, and shout at him for not keeping an eye on him. For letting him lose his arm. But then on the other hand, he felt overwhelmingly anxious because he didn't know where Pete was and if he wasn't here, then where the fuck was he? What if he'd been kidnapped, or beaten up... or worse yet, he had been murdered. And then, there was the whole arm thing to worry about. Maybe it had affected him more than the Surfer realised. Peter did tend to bottle things up when he felt hurt. Ranting about nothing for hours on end, just to hide the actual pain he was in. Tony needed to find him. But where was he?

Cap seemed to notice the obvious rush of emotions going through his head, and took the chance to find out where exactly Peter was. "Do you know where he went? Did he say anything?"

"Not particularly- he just said he had to check on something, family related I think. Then he said he'd go straight here."

"So he didn't specify anything?"

Steve was met with a sad shake of a head, as the surfer lamented about his mistakes. "I never wanted to ask. It seemed rude."

Something family related? The kid didn't much family left, only...

And then something clicked inside Tony and at once he knew exactly where the kid was.

He swiftly stood up without saying anything else, and strode out of the room- equipping the rest of his suit as he walked. _He was going to get his kid back._

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh what a delectable cliffhanger if I do say so myself X)
> 
> Sorry kids, but the fight's not over yet. Things are still gonna get dark. But hey, the reunion you've all been waiting for is gonna happen in the next chapter! 
> 
> I'm so tired ahhh. I'll see you guys soon! Thanks for motivating me to keep going, y'all mean the world to me, you know?


	10. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sir, I detect a single heat signature on the roof."
> 
> Bingo.
> 
>  
> 
> Tony and Peter are reunited after what feels like a million eternities, and hope finally seems to be somewhat in reach for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kids, here's the next chapter ♥ this one was hard to write cause I'm shit at writing emotional scenes; but tell me what you thought? :)
>
>> I am not afraid to keep on living  
> I am not afraid to walk this world alone.

Tony wanted to physically smack himself. He'd been so naïve and blind that it hurt.

Peter needed him, and had probably been waiting for him for the past 2 days. Confused. _Alone._

And what had Tony been doing? Constantly trying to think about anything _other_ than the kid and drinking away his sorrows. He never was a good choice for a mentor, but this was clearly a new low. Even for himm

He was flying to Queens, and his suit didn't seem to be going fast enough. He never was- not when it mattered. Queens. That was where the kid would be; he knew it. That was the only place, other than the Compound, that Peter would have gone.

Because the kid was so caring, and thoughtful of others that of course on returning back to Earth the first thing he'd have wanted to do was check if his aunt had survived the snap. ~~Or turned to dust like her nephew.~~

And since Tony had gotten back to Earth, 3½ days after the snap; he hadn't heard anything from May. She was definitely dead. There was no doubt about it.

_Peter would have gone home, hoping to find his aunt there waiting for him. But she was dead._ How much more trauma did Peter need in his life? Tony just wanted to fix everything for him. He had to. _He would._

He wasn't going to lose him. ~~Not again.~~

His bright suit clashed against the thick black night sky of New York, and with every second that passed he was a second closer to getting Peter back. He couldn't afford to waste a single moment. He had to get to him.

He kind of wished he could just jump forward in time to get to the kid, because all this waiting and frantically flying just wasn't fun in the slightest. _He just needed to find Peter._

He had to make sure he was okay.

If Tony'd been worried about Peter since that damn phone call from Steve, then now he was absolutely petrified. Because the surfer had confirmed that Peter had been alive and, more or less, intact since coming back from Titan.

But now, Tony had no idea if the kid was okay at all. Because he could be dying on the street outside his apartment somewhere- all because he'd been on Earth for 2 whole days and nobody had known. 

If the kid was dead, then Tony knew he was really gonna have some re-evaluating of his life to do. _Because if Peter went and died then he'd feel so lost._ It had been bad enough losing him in the snap; the very idea of losing Peter for good was just... too much. He'd never be able to forgive himself.

If Peter was dead, then he might as well be too.

And Tony wasn't sure he was quite ready to give up just yet. There were still some lose ends he had left to tie up- some (*cough* Thanos *cough*) more important than others.

With that thought, he let himself fly even faster than he already was. He was going to find Peter soon, and then at last, it was all going to be okay. Somewhat anyway.

He just hoped the kid was alright. He had to be. He'd never forgive himself if he wasn't.

\--- 

 

It took Tony exactly 5 minutes and 36 seconds to fly to Peter and May's apartment in Queens. He'd never made it there so fast, and yet it still felt as if he was being too slow. Time genuinely was of the essence here.

To be fair, he was being very careful despite how terrified and reckless he felt. He didn't frantically destroy the building in an attempt to find the kid (despite how much he _really_ wanted to) and he even went in through the door. Or he meant to anyway.

But the door, technically wasn't there. Because it had been knocked down. 

Which was strange, because that definitely wasn't something Peter would do. But then again, the kid had almost certainly been through a lot in the past few days- and that's not even mentioning dying on Titan. Yeah, Peter had been through a lot and Tony decided he probably had knocked the door straight down. Because Peter really cared for his Aunt. Tony knew the woman meant the world to him.

The apartment felt eerily normal when Tony cautiously stepped out of his suit and walked in. It was quiet. And everything was in place, just as it had been before the whole Thanos thing. It was as if the people who lived there hadn't died at all. You could walk right in there, and be fully convinced that the inhabitants were still alive.

Maybe that was the scariest part of all.

Peter probably waited for May to come back. And was met with nobody. But he stayed, waiting anyway. For 2 days. In solitude.

"Pete? I know you're here, you can come out- it's just me, Tony."

He was surprised by how soft and careful his voice sounded when he called for the kid. But then again, the kid had been through _a shit ton_ so it would be stupid not to have a gentle approach. 

As expected, he was met with even more eerie silence. That was alright, he'd find Peter. It'd be okay.

"Pete...?"

He made his way as carefully as he could through the apartment. The eerie vibe never exactly leaving. He walked into the kitchen and, like the living room, it looked as if nothing had been touched since the snap. Everything still seemed like it was being used by someone. 

A pile of what looked like bills sat unattended on the kitchen counter, next to an open- half-empty bottle of pills. It was as if nobody had died at all, to the point where Tony felt genuinely freaked out and he just wanted to grab the kid and get out of there.

Tony noticed his suit on sentry mode next to him, and realised how slow he was being about this whole 'rescue mission.' He didn't have time to walk around every damn abandoned room in here- he had to get to Peter fast.

"Friday, scan the area would you?"

The suit immediately reacted; a red beam circling the whole room in light. If Peter was here then he'd know about it pretty soon.

"Sir, I detect a single heat signature on the roof."

Bingo.

He'd finally found his kid.

 

\--- **brace yourselves lads.** \---

 

Tony bolted up the stairs to the roof of the apartment building and flung the door open. Then he saw a figure he hadn't seen in what felt like million eternities. He saw someone he'd missed way too much, and suddenly he felt overwhelmed by a tingling feeling.

Peter was alive.

He stepped out onto the roof, and was met with a figure wearing an all too familiar spider suit; sitting with his legs dangling off the edge of the roof. As if he didn't have a care in the world.

Peter really was there. He was there right in front of him, swinging his legs- breathing. He was alive. 

**Peter was alive.**

Tony wanted to cry. 

But he refused to let himself. He had to focus on Peter now. He seemed okay, but Tony knew all too well that that just wasn't true. But that was alright. He could help Peter. There was so much he could help him with. It would all be okay.

"Kid?" He said in a whisper, but he knew Peter could hear him anyway. Enhanced senses and all.

The kid's body practically stiffened in response, and a second later his voice came back croakily, as if he hadn't used it in ages. "Mr- Mr Stark... is that you..?"

"Yeah kid, it's me." 

"Mr Stark, I-I" The kid choked back a sob, "I didn't- I..." the rest of his sentenced came out a muffled mess.

Tony doubted he could've heard what Peter said if he _did_ have enhanced hearing. But he wasn't going to say that to the kid- obviously. He was just glad he was alive. So, so glad.

"Hey kid, wanna say that again?" He laughed nervously, "You're kinda talking to the rooftops out there." He said as gently as he could, as he paced his way over to Peter.

Peter turned round to meet his eyes and Tony felt his heart instantly shatter inside of him. The kids eyes were rimmed red, and his face was puffy- he'd definitely been crying. For a while too, by the looks of things. He was pale, and didn't look like the person he was the last time Tony saw him. He didn't have that playful, optimistic ambiance surrounding him anymore. He just seemed... hollow.

For a moment, they stood in silence; both equally shocked to see each other. Taking in each other, for fear of never meeting again.

_Tony felt tears buiding up in his eyes. This was too much- he couldn't take it. But he wouldn't let himself cry, not in front of Peter. He'd been through enough already._

Tony walked steadily ~~even though he felt like jelly~~ across the rooftop towards Peter, where he sat down next to him on the edge. "So... it's been a while, huh?"

Peter smiled at his half hearted joke, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Now that Tony was closer he could tell that Peter was tired- heavy bags prominent underneath his eyes. 

"Everyone's s-still gone aren't they?" He asked, a hollow tone to his voice.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry kid. But we'll get them back; don't worry." 

Peter nodded but didn't seem fully convinced. Tony was determined to prove him wrong. ~~Because if they didn't then they'd only be letting down more people.~~

"We'll get her back, it'll be alright."

Peter looked even sadder at the mention of his aunt, and Tony immediately knew his theory from earlier was correct. Peter had been waiting for May this whole time.

But she never showed up, because she was dust. The poor kid. He had so much going on in his life already. Things weren't supposed to get worse, but they did anyway. _It wasn't fair._

"Mr Stark i'm- I'm so sorry, I didn't-" 

Why was he apologising? It was just like Peter to apologize for no reason. That part of him hadn't changed at all. The kid had always been so selfless.

"Hey, it's alright Pete." Tony placed an uncertain hand on Peter's shoulder- in and attempt to stop him from shaking as frantically as he was. It was cold up here, but he wasn't going to ask if they could go indoors. He knew Peter liked it up here on the roof- he felt safer here. Steadier.

 

"I didn't mean it sir- _really,_ I was stupid, I-I shouldn't have. I should've stayed on Titan, I-" 

God, Tony was so bad at this emotional support thing. He thought back to when he got back from Afghanistan- Rhodey had helped him recover from the emotional turmoil of that by easing the burdens of life. He'd always been there for him to talk to. It really helped in the long run.

_Rhodey would be back in a few days, and Tony decided he'd ask him to give him a few pointers. Maybe he could help and ease Peter's burdens too. It wouldn't hurt to ask._

Tony pulled the boy next to him a little closer. He wasn't overly fond of physical contact in the slightest, but Peter was different. And he needed to help him, make him feel better. Safer.

"It's all right kiddo, you're here now and I couldn't be prouder. You made it all the way here, and I think that deserves a pat on the back."

"Mr Stark it's not all right, I just- it all feels so fuzzy. I shouldn't be here- I'm supposed to be..." Tony could tell what the kid was thinking- _dead._ He thought he was supposed to still be ashes drifting across the plains of Titan.

And if he was thinking things like that... then he couldn't be more wrong. 

"Peter," Tony turned his gaze from the tired city below them to Peter, looking him straight in the eyes; "Listen to me." He said as sternly as he could muster without coming across too forcefully,

"What you just said? Don't ever say stuff like that; Pete, it couldn't be further from the truth. You're meant to be alive. And you are. You came back for a reason, and I'm gonna make sure you _stay_ alive." They just got him back. Like hell Tony was going to lose him again.

"But Mr Stark-"

"No buts kid. You're not going anywhere, alright?"

Peter looked away, refusing to make eye contact, before meekly nodding. He seemed so exhausted- so physically drained. Tony needed to get him into a bed. Preferably in a hospital setting, but he wasn't picky.

"I wish I didn't though- Mr Stark, you don't get it I just-" Peter's body hunched over on itself in shame, _"If I'd just stayed on Titan I'd still have my arm."_

_His arm?_

His arm.

Oh shit, his arm.

Tony had forgotten about his arm.

_He'd forgotten that Peter had lost an arm._

He immediately burst into a flurry of action, "Shit- Pete I'm so sorry, I forgot that you- let me see, does it hurt? Are you alright?" How had he forgotten about the arm? He was such a shitty mentor.

How had he lost it? Did he come back to life missing an arm? Did he get attacked? He didn't seem hurt, but there was no way of telling. Tony knew he'd find out eventually though. Now, he was finally getting reunited with Peter. He wasn't going to freak out about his arm and ruin this. This was important. Peter needed him, and he was going to be strong for him.

"No-no, I'm, I'm alright I promise." He didn't seem alright. He was definitely lying, "I'm just- I'm so sorry Mr Stark, I- it was a really stupid thing to do. I wish I didn't."

Peter held out his left arm- or lack of- to show Tony. This was all too much, Tony's heart was definitely going to slaughter him soon because this was not how he had expected today to go.

_Peter's arm wasn't there._

It was cut off from the elbow, completely gone. As if it never existed in the first place. God, the kid had been through so much but this- this was something else. _It wasn't fair. Why did the universe seem so intent on hurting his kid!?_

It just wasn't fair. Why couldn't the bad things happen to him; instead of this helpless 15 year old boy who had already had to put up with, and lost, so much.

 

Tony hadn't realised he'd started crying until he felt a body envelope around him in an attempt to make him feel better.

He looked down, and noticed two things.

Peter had flung his good arm around him, and was doing his best to hug him without making it feel awkward. The kid was looking out for him despite the fact that he was the one who had literally come back from death.

The second thing that Tony noticed was that he wasn't the only one crying. 

 

Tony hugged Peter back. They were definitely _there_ now. 

And he knew, from that moment onwards, that he was going to do whatever he could to help this kid and give him hope. He'd make everything okay.

_He'd help the kid- he'd get him an arm. They'd find Thanos, and reverse the snap- he'd give the kid back his aunt; and the happiness he'd lost on the way._

Because that was what he did. He fixed things.

 

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did that end too abruptly? I'm so sorry if it did, I kinda had to chop this chapter in half because I'm so bad at writing this kinda emotional stuff and most of it was just lame lol.
> 
> BUT DON'T FEAR
> 
> Because the next chapter should be up really soon- I'm off school til' Wednesday so I actually have time for once yay!
> 
> Anyways, as always, please tell me what you thought! It'd mean the world to me if you left a review. All of you are so lovely and I just wanna thank you for sticking with this fanfic! ♥
> 
> See you all soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Stay alive frens I-/


End file.
